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Chautona Havig

Chautona Havig

Using story to connect YOU to the Master Storyteller

I’m Sick to Death of Opinions, but Not Why You Think

by Chautona Havig · 6 Comments

Now that every disagreement becomes an argument over "hate speech," I've become sick of opinions and all their related cousins. My opinion on opinions. via @chautonahavig

Our world is flooded with opinions. From the best tacos (Mrs. Santos’, naturally) or burgers (In-n-Out, duh!) to movies, books, products, and obviously, politics. Gotta have those political opinions.  Unless yours differs from mine, of course.  But I’ll get to that in a minute.

We even baptize some of our opinions and make them sound holy.  While they’re all rooted in Biblical principles, they aren’t always Biblical mandates.  Sometimes opinions are mingled in with truths or logical conclusions inferred from truths.

At those times, opinions tend to follow this formula:

Noun (especially if it’s modern) + State of Being Verb= God does/doesn’t like it.

Or translated

Purple socks are sinful.  Red socks are godly. In-n-Out burgers are righteous (after all, they have Bible verses on the packaging!)

Sorry.  Those are all opinions–just opinions baptized in the muddy waters of twisted Scripture.

I'm Sick to Death of Opinions, but Not Why You Think

Note links in this post may be affiliate links that provide me with a small commission at no extra expense to you.

So if, as my post title says, I’m Sick to Death of Opinions… Then why this opinionated rant about… well, opinions?

It’s not because people don’t agree with me. That’s actually the opposite.

It’s because people don’t allow me the privilege of having a differing opinion anymore.

When I was a kid, I’d listen to the grownups talk. Loved it. In fact, I looked forward to it, and a lot of conversations sounded like above. Change “Bikinis are immodest” to “Jimmy Carter is an idiot” and you’d have one example. I’m sure someone said it at some point. Change ungodly superheroes for the reasons that baptism is wrong today, and you’d get another one. Yes. I heard that argument. I still don’t get it.

But that’s kind of my point.

You see, back then, the grownups talked about these things. Dad would make an argument. Mom usually backed him up, but now and then she’d disagree. Uncle Lon would throw out a different opinion. Someone else another. They’d get on the same page about something… and then they’d diverge again.

It got heated. I won’t pretend it didn’t. But after all was said and done, everyone went home “good” with each other. No one was offended. All feelers still intact. “I disagree” and “You are wrong”—heard them both. Often.

And everyone was okay with that.

It’s not true anymore. And that’s why I’m sick of opinions.

Jane shares a cool new service or product she’s found that she just loves. Like, seriously loves. Maybe it’s a new preacher she heard and the sermon was spot-on. Perhaps she’s in the honeymoon phase of a new direct marketing company. It’s a new book, a new song, a new movie.

Someone comes along and shares why they don’t like it. After all, the end of the post said, “What do you think? Have you heard his sermons? Did you read that book? Has my new product changed your life?”

It’s a false invitation.

While it implies that it invites dialogue, it doesn’t. However, when I was a kid, it did. If you said, “What do you think about…?” It meant, “Give me your opinion about. If I don’t like it, I’ll ignore it.”

Validate meToday it means, “Validate my choice.”

See neither one says, “give your opinion, but the natural conclusion to “what do you think?” is really an opinion.

If you want people to validate you, ask them to. “Tell me how much I’m gonna love it!” That’s a perfectly acceptable request!

What isn’t acceptable is taking offense and equating a differing opinion with hate speech. Do you think that I exaggerate? Have you never seen someone respond to a differing opinion with something like, “Ignore her. Haters are gonna hate.” And mean it. Jokes aside, have you never seen someone say something like that and mean it?

I see it too often. It sickens me.

There’s nothing hateful and intolerant in disagreement.

I had a conversation with a local friend a year or so ago. I commented that someone thought I was wrong about something. She about had a coronary. “Oh, not wrong… she just—”

I admit I cut her off. You see, the person I was talking about really does think I’m wrong. I’m okay with that. I think that person is wrong, too. My friend nearly choked—again. “Oh, no it’s just—”

So I told her something that has been lost in our society in the last decade or two. And I’d like to see it come back (note: opinion right there!).

People believe things because they think those things are right.

If they didn’t believe that God only allows you to wear purple socks, then they wouldn’t insist that purple socks are the only godly socks! I happen to think they’re wrong. After all, the Proverbs 31 woman clothed her family in scarlet. RED socks are the only godly socks. I think the other gal is wrong. She thinks I’m wrong.

Red Socks RockYou know what?

That doesn’t mean I hate purple sock gal. She doesn’t hate me. Disagreement doesn’t equal hate. Opinions aren’t rebukes.

As an author, I’m rather glad about that last line. Let me state it again. Opinions aren’t rebukes. If someone has an unfavorable opinion of my book, it isn’t a rebuke against my character, my faith, or even my writing ability. It’s an opinion on those things. She may think I use too many adverbs. After all, there were three in that book! She may hate the character. She likes spunky girls and mine was rather placid. Or vice versa!

Whatever it is. She likes one thing. I wrote another. It’s not hate speech! Her opinion is not an attack on me.

It’s not a rebuke.

But anymore, when an author gets a review that is anything less than, “It’s the most amazing thing ever,” someone is going to take offense at it.  It’s funny. The author isn’t usually the one to do it, either.  Unfortunately, when authors do, it’s rather ugly.  But usually, and like in opinion posts where some commenter does it, when people take up offenses for others, everything goes downhill fast.

Yep. I’m pretty sick of opinions.

Even, if not especially, my own.  Why?  Because they don’t mean anything anymore. People are afraid to express their true thoughts, so most of what we hear is watered down garbage.  And I throw myself in that lot.  I try to be gracious and it comes out wishy-washy.

So, I’m going to say this right now.  My dad used to tell me, “Let them be wrong.”  What he meant by that was, “It’s okay if you think they’re wrong.  It isn’t your job to fix their thinking.” (not that I was arrogant enough to think I was always right or anything!!!!)

Give me your opinions (yes, I do see the irony there…)

I can usually see many sides of an issue.  I can understand why Jane believes one way, Joan believes another, and I disagree with both.  But I can do something else.  I can “let you be wrong” in my eyes.

Wouldn’t it be great if, on those things that aren’t explicitly spelled out in the Bible (gotta have that caveat as if it wasn’t obvious), if we just let each other be wrong now and then?

Sigh.  I guess Mom was right.  Again.

Opinions are like armpits.  Everyone’s got them and they all stink.

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Comments

  1. Chris says

    July 21, 2017 at 8:33 pm

    Totally agree. People don’t want to know what your or I think, they want us to agree with what they think. If you disagree, you’re either a horrible friend for not supporting their beliefs, or you’re too stupid to understand why they think what they do is true. I keep my opinions to myself most of the time because it really doesn’t matter to me what other people think of them (except my husband, of course). If you ask, though, I will tell you what I think about something, so don’t ask unless you really want to know…

    Reply
    • Chautona Havig says

      July 21, 2017 at 11:32 pm

      YES! I actually tell people that. “Don’t ask me unless you really want to know.”

      And honestly, I DO want your opinion. Even if I know I’ll disagree. understandign why you think what you do helps me understand so many cool things. I love it. And I want to know more. I HAVE changed my opinion based on what someone else shared. Not often, but it’s happened.

      Reply
  2. Andrea Stoeckel says

    July 21, 2017 at 6:21 am

    It’s like the old “toothpaste” childrens’ sermon. Sit with kids. Pull a travel size toothpaste out of wherever you put it. Have a child hold a small bowl/teacup. Have another kid squeeze all the toothpaste into the vessel. Then, after that’s done ask them…OK, who’s going to put it back in [warning, there is almost always one wise acre who says he can].

    Moral: be careful what you say, because you can;t take it back….

    Reply
    • Chautona Havig says

      July 21, 2017 at 6:31 am

      No, you can’t take it back. So what you say, should be worth speaking. But when you do speak, it shouldn’t be the end of the world if you empty the tube and pass the bowl around for others to take what they want. )

      Reply
  3. Michael Ann says

    July 21, 2017 at 3:53 am

    THIS! YES! Precisely! “Disagreement doesn’t equal hate. Opinions aren’t rebukes.” Great words of wisdom, Chautona! I think sometimes the problem lies in the listener not buying into this whole concept. I also think that the speaker of said disagreement or opinion can help by being gracious in our disagreement or opinion. If I am snarky or hateful in how I speak, I can make it easier for the listener to be snarky or hateful in return. In the end, YES! How lovely it would be if all just let each other be wrong now and then!

    Reply
    • Chautona Havig says

      July 21, 2017 at 3:59 am

      Thank you! I hoped people would hear my heart!! 😀

      Reply

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The Because Fiction Podcast

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Episode 265: A Chat with Karen Witemeyer
byChautona Havig

Nothing says fairy tale like a sweet western romance by an author like Karen Witemeyer… unless it’s a fairytale retelling set in Texas in the late 19th century, right?  Fairest of Heart takes the familiar “Snow White” and turns it on its head with retired cowboys, a self-absorbed actress, a Texas Ranger, and a sweet girl who knows the true Source of her beauty.  Listen in to see all the genius Easter eggs Witemeyer planted in this book.

Note: links may be affiliate links that provide me with a small commission at no extra expense to you.

Sometimes All a Girl Needs Is a True Change of Heart

I fell in love with the cover of Karen Witemeyer’s Head Over Heels a few years back (only to learn it’s much older than that, even), and meant to read that book.  I didn’t.  #BecauseIdiot. Well, that’ll be rectified just as soon as I’m done listening to her first book in a trilogy of fairytale retellings. I loaded it up on my Audible app tonight and wheeeeeeee. Here I go! So much for no new books until October. HA! 

Karen talks about her heart for young women today and how they’re taught by every bit of media blasting at them that they need to use their bodies to get what they need or want when the Lord has a better plan. And I can’t guarantee it, but I strongly suspect she does it without preaching. SQUEE!

Fairest of Heart by Karen Witemeyer

Once upon a time in Texas . . .

Beauty has been nothing but a curse to Penelope Snow. When she becomes a personal maid for a famous actress whose troupe is leaving Chicago to tour the West, she hides her figure beneath shapeless dresses and keeps her head down. But she still manages to attract the wrong attention, leaving her prospects in tatters–and her jealous mistress plotting her demise.

After his brother lost his life over a woman, Texas Ranger Titus Kingsley has learned to expect the worst from women and is rarely disappointed. So when a young lady found in suspicious circumstances takes up residence with the seven old drovers living at his grandfather’s ranch, Titus is determined to keep a close eye on her.

With a promotion hanging in the balance, Titus is assigned to investigate a robbery case tied to Penelope’s acting troupe, and all evidence points to Penelope’s guilt. But Titus might just be convinced that the fairest woman of all has a heart as pure as her last name . . . if only he can prove it.

You can learn more about Karen Witemeyer and her books on her WEBSITE. Don’t forget the book is 30% off on BakerBookHouse.com.  

Follow Karen on BookBub and GoodReads.

And don’t forget her Posse Group on Facebook.

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