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Chautona Havig

Chautona Havig

Using story to connect YOU to the Master Storyteller

All the Preparation in the World Won’t Write It for You

by Chautona Havig · 6 Comments

This year's NaNo parody is here! I'm so excited about what I'm working on. Psst... I'm also finishing Seaside. Don't tell, okay? via @chautonahavig

Anne Shirley once said, “I am so glad that I live in a world where there are Octobers.”

Well, I happen to agree with her. Here in America, though, October isn’t just a month full of harvests and pumpkins, crisp autumn nights and vibrant trees.  October is that month.  You know the one…

The search begins long before the month arrives, but it’s almost as if once September gives way to October, the ghoolish frenzy begins.

Must. Find. Perfect. Costume.

Alice in Wonderland?  Minion? Joseph (complete with a colorful coat)? Whether it’s the latest book craze, movie blockbuster, or a classic like pirates or teddy bears, once the search begins, you hear it everywhere.

Our family is boring. We’ve never “done” Halloween in the traditional sense. It’s just not our thing.  But… October is very similar for me.  It’s a month of searching—a month of decisions.

A glorious month of dreaming of all the things.

All the bookish things.

See, at any given time, I have about fifty books clamoring to get face time with me.

Discovering hopeAnd November first begins the frenzy.  The NaNoWriMo frenzy. Fifty-thousand words in thirty days. That’s 1,667 words per day.  For those who may not know, I rarely write less than 2,500 words in a day. It’s usually closer to 4,000.  Things do affect it, however.

Like six weeks in Missouri in the middle of three due book projects. Not that I’ve ever had that happen or anything.

Still, I’ve been doing NaNoWriMo since 2006 when I wrote Discovering Hope.  It was called Hope 101 back then, and I wrote it with an eye to making it as sappy as I possibly could. I’m still trying to scrape the sugar out of my veins.

Okay, that’s a lie.  However, I have participated in NaNoWriMo every year since.  And won!  If you’d like to see the books that made it over the years, you can check that out HERE.

And over the past few years, I’ve started my own “Halloween Traditions.”

It usually begins around four o’clock.  The kids leave the house to go up to the harvest festival and help out with all the booths and things.  Hubby usually goes, too.  Me?  I stay home, get the house cleaned up, answer the door, and prepare for NaNoWriMo.

And I write this NaNo parody blog post.

Yep. This post is part of a tradition I almost can’t call “new” anymore! It’s my annual NaNo parody.

It all started with this post where I parodied If You Give a Mouse a Cookie. That gave me an idea.  So, when October 31st came around that year, I wrote my first NaNo parody…

‘Twas the Night Before NaNo.

The following year, I got another idea. That led to:

NaNo’s Raven is Rapping

The Best Formula for Destroying Poetry in 3 Easy Steps and How Is My Dad Spinning in His Grave but Not Dead?

And here we are with another year.  That means…

Another NaNo parody.

No, I didn’t sing it this year.  I thought I’d save your ears.  You’re welcome.

I did, however, take another family favorite children’s book (it’s also a song, I hear) and parodied it.  If you’ve never seen the amazing We’re Going on a Bear Hunt book by Michael Rosen and Helen Oxenbury, you’re in for a treat.  Grab a copy while you can.  All the good books keep going out of print.  I bet this one’s next.

This year’s Halloween has been… odd. 

I didn’t clean anything, but I did make my mother’s hospital bed. Thanks to my dear friend, Sandy (who has been allowing me to crash at her house while Mom is in the hospital), I have Chinese food.  I didn’t hand out candy to any kids, but I saw Sandy do it, and that’s almost the same thing.

Does it count if I bought some of it?  If I thought that little girl’s costume was super cute?  Flynne would say it’s “uber totes adorbs.”

Kevin isn’t at the harvest festival, either.

This year, #7daughter is down in San Diego with friends instead of helping out at the church and such. It’s just an odd year, and in honor of that, this is one really odd (read, super-pathetic) NaNo parody.  But it’s mine, it’s done, and you won’t offend me if you tell me how horrible it is. I know it.  Still, I didn’t want to break another tradition, so… without further caveats and procrastination, I give you…

All the Preparation in the World Wont Write It for You- 2019 Nano Parody

Note: some links are affiliate links that provide me with a small commission at no extra expense to you.

All the Preparation in the World Won’t Write It for You

The NaNoWriMo Book Hunt
(a “goin’ on a bear hunt” parody)

I’m goin’ on a NaNo book hunt.
I’m gonna write a good one.
What a beautiful idea!
I’m prepared!

Uh, oh!
Ideas
Heaping gobs of ideas!
We really need them.
We can’t write without them.
Oh, no!
We’ve got to choose just one!
Creaky, groan. Creaky, groan. Creaky Groan.

I’m goin’ on a NaNo book hunt.
I’m gonna write a good one.
What a beautiful idea!
I’m prepared!

Uh, oh!
Titles
All the creative titles!
Can’t write without one.
Gotta find a good one.
Oh, no!
Which one?
Scritch! Scratch! (the head) Scritch! Scratch! (the head)

I’m goin’ on a NaNo book hunt.
I’m gonna write a good one.
What a beautiful idea!
I’m prepared!

Uh, oh!
Characters.
Fun, quirky characters.
We don’t have any and
We can’t do without them.
Oh, no!
We’ve got to create them!
Jane, Mark, Susie, Tom

I’m goin’ on a NaNo book hunt.
I’m gonna write a good one.
What a beautiful idea!
I’m prepared!

Uh, oh!
The hook!
The reader grabbing hook!
Can’t let them get away.
Gotta keep them here to stay.
Oh, no!
They’re closing the book!
Intrigue them! Stun them! Reel ‘em in!

I’m goin’ on a NaNo book hunt.
I’m gonna write a good one.
What a beautiful idea!
I’m prepared!

Uh, oh!
A plot twist.
An unexpected, unplanned twist!
You can’t ignore it.
You can’t cut it short!
Oh, no!
You’ve gotta write all of it!
Clickety-key-clack. Clickety-key-clack.

I’m goin’ on a NaNo book hunt.
I’m gonna write a good one.
What a beautiful idea!
I’m prepared!

Uh, oh…
Tension and conflict.
You leave it out and
You can’t sit and pout.
Oh, no!
You gotta write it all out.
Grumble. Squeal. Grumble. Squeal.

I’m goin’ on a NaNo book hunt.
I’m gonna write a good one.
What a beautiful idea!
I’m prepared!

Uh, oh.
A hole.
A great, heaping plot hole!
We can’t ignore it.
We can’t go around it.
Oh, no!
We’ve got to go through it!
Delete. Delete. Delete.

WHAT’s THAT?
1,667 words!
30 days!
It’s a NaNoWriMo!

Quick!

Back over the plot hole.
Delete. Delete. Delete.
Back over tension and conflict!
Grumble. Squeal. Grumble. Squeal.
Back over the plot twist.
Clickety-key-clack. Clickety-key-clack.
Back over the opening hook.
Intrigue them! Stun them! Reel ‘em in!
Back over the characters!
Jane, Mark, Susie, Tom.
Back over the titles.
Scritch! Scratch! (the head) Scritch! Scratch! (the head).
Back over the ideas.
Creaky, groan. Creaky, groan. Creaky Groan.
Rush to the desk.
Boot up the laptop.
Open the Scrivener program.
Make a new project.

Oh, no! I forgot to save the last one!
Back to the bottom tray.
Click on the old one.
Control + Save.
Close out.
Stare at the blank page.

I’m never going on a NaNo Book Hunt again!
(or at least not until next year’s NaNo parody).

What am I writing this year?

Here’s this year’s project.

Dual Power of Convenience

Dual Power of Convenience

Dual Power of Convenience... all they wanted was a happily never after.

Richard Danforth--a brand, spankin' new (barely but it counts) billionaire and his new property manager, Lyla Santana. It was a match made on paper—never have to see each other again.

 

About the Book

“It’ll be perfect,” they said.

“I have other plans for you,” God said (forgive the poetic license here, please… He really didn’t…).

Dual Power of Convenience… all they wanted was a happily never after.

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Author: Chautona Havig
Series: Independence Island Series
Genres: Christian Fiction, Romance
Tags: Collection, Romance
Other Books in "Independence Island Series"
Flipping Hearts
Finding a Memory
Christmas on Breakers Point
Bookers on the Rocks
Book, Chapter, & Vows
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Filed Under: Writing Tagged With: NaNoWriMo

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Comments

  1. Elissa says

    November 3, 2019 at 5:29 pm

    I laughed at your parody and I’m not just saying that! I wouldn’t take the time to post a lie. 🙂 Praying for your odd family in this odd time. God is faithful!

    Reply
  2. Andrea Stoeckel says

    November 1, 2019 at 6:21 am

    Good luck and G-d Bless

    Reply
  3. Emma says

    November 1, 2019 at 2:13 am

    It might be odd and pathetic, but I could feel the smile on my face getting larger and larger as I read your parody, and I ended up laughing. Maybe it’s just that I’m odd and pathetic, so it suits me. Anyway, your poem, or story, or whatever, is funny! And I’m looking forward to reading what you write. I can’t see what it is, because I can’t sign in to NaNoWriMo.

    Reply
    • Susan (DE) says

      November 1, 2019 at 8:57 am

      Same here. Couldn’t sign in, so couldn’t see what you’re doing. 🙂

      Reply
      • Chautona Havig says

        November 3, 2019 at 11:47 am

        I’ve added the project so it shows here.

        Reply
        • Susan (DE) says

          November 3, 2019 at 3:22 pm

          Thank you! That sounds like fun. 🙂

          Reply

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The Because Fiction Podcast

The Because Fiction Podcast
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Taking the pulse of Christian fiction

Episode 206: A Chat with Lisa Phillips about Her New Spin-off Series
byChautona Havig

Fans of Lisa Phillips’ Last Chance County series are doing happy dances following the release of an exciting new spin-off series, Last Chance Fire and Rescue. Expired Return brings back a few favorite characters and kicks off another of Sunrise Publishing’s author/mentor led fiction seasons! Listen in to find out what happens when an author brings back a guy she dropped a building on a couple of books back…

 

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When Fans Want More Exciting Stories, Smart Authors Listen and Deliver!

Let’s face it. Authors might SOMETIMES be “done” with a series, but readers often want more… indefinitely. Well, with the brilliance of Sunrise Publishing’s mentor model, authors get to collaborate with authors they trust to do their “worlds” proud while still having time to write new, exciting things as well. And some of the Sunrise lead authors even write in the spin-off series–like Lisa Phillips and Trisha Goyer!

This new Last Chance County series promises everything we love about Lisa Phillips’ world–danger, intrigue, heart-stopping suspense, drama… you know… all the feels. But in addition to her own release, Expired Return, this series also introduces us to new authors who have been carefully vetted and selected to ensure they do justice to Lisa’s Last Chance characters. I, for one, can’t wait to check it all out.

Lisa and I chatted about what she plans for the series,Lisa hinted about a possible super-secret reveal coming soon, and I even poked her with the idea of a Last Chance Christmas.

Help me convince them on that, will ya?

But this new book… Whoa…

Expired Return by Lisa Phillips

Pepper stood up. “How dare you.” She could spit fire at him right now. She’d loved and supported Victory since the day she was born. “You know nothing about me.”

“What’s this?”

Pepper whirled around at that voice. Heart. Breaking. She loved that gruff, commanding voice more than anything else in the world.

He wore a look a lot like Aiden’s. Blank, which she knew—or hoped—had to do with protecting his heart because he still cared for her. Except he probably hated her.

Donaldson sat back in his chair. “Allen.”

Former police officer Allen Frees had both hands on the wheels of his chair. He wore a fire department uniform of slacks and a white shirt. Emblems. A badge. His life of service hadn’t ended when he landed in that chair after a building blew up over his head.

As far as she’d been able to tell, it barely slowed him down.

She’ll give everything to protect her family.

He always knew she was the one.

Veterinary tech Pepper Miller lives a quiet life in Last Chance County. She’s watching her niece until her sister shows up…if she ever does. When Victory’s father demands he take over her care, Pepper knows something has gone wrong. With a new drug in town, and her sister embroiled in a dangerous bargain, it’s up to Pepper to protect the people she loves.

Even if it costs every secret she’s ever kept.

Fire Department liaison Allen Frees lives with the injuries he sustained as a police officer in a raid gone wrong. He’s put his life back together but getting the truck crew and engine squad to succeed might be his toughest assignment yet. When Victory is nearly kidnapped at a community event, Allen steps in to help Pepper keep her niece safe. The one thing he couldn’t fix was the love he lost, but he isn’t going to let Pepper walk away this time.

No matter what walls he has to break down.

Last Chance County returns in this blazing new series from Sunrise Publishing.

Last Chance Fire and Rescue

  • Book 1: Expired Return
  • Book 2: Expired Hope (coming soon)
  • Book 3: Expired Promise (coming soon)
  • Book 4: Expired Vows (coming soon)

Last Chance County

  • Book 1: Expired Refuge
  • Book 2: Expired Secrets
  • Book 3: Expired Cache
  • Book 4: Expired Hero
  • Book 5: Expired Game
  • Book 6: Expired Plot
  • Book 7: Expired Getaway
  • Book 8: Expired Betrayal
  • Book 9: Expired Flight
  • Book 10: Expired End

Learn more about Lisa and her books on her WEBSITE.

Learn more about the different seasons (series) offered by Sunrise Publishing or how to audition with them on the Sunrise Publishing WEBSITE.

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Episode 206: A Chat with Lisa Phillips about Her New Spin-off Series
Episode 206: A Chat with Lisa Phillips about Her New Spin-off Series
February 7, 2023
Chautona Havig
BONUS Episode: The Bookish Podcast Tag!
February 4, 2023
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Episode 205: A Chat about Cold Light of Day with Elizabeth Goddard
February 3, 2023
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Episode 204: A Chat with Sarah Sundin about The Sound of Light
January 31, 2023
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Episode 203: A Chat with Heather Greer about Window of Opportunity
January 27, 2023
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Episode 202: A Chat with Historical Christian Author, Laura Frantz
January 24, 2023
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Episode 201: A Closer Look at This YA Dystopian Series
January 20, 2023
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Episode 200: Comparing & Contrasting Two Split-Time Novels
January 17, 2023
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Episode 199: A Chat about Karl May with Robert Stermscheg
January 13, 2023
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Episode 198: A Chat about Everything Is Just Beginning with Erin Bartels
January 10, 2023
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Heath Karras has a problem. Lots of eager first da Heath Karras has a problem. Lots of eager first dates... no second dates. With his propensity to spout random (and often bizarre) animal facts while nervous (he's always nervous around women) it's no wonder. 
His sister has a solution--lots of dates. Great, heaping gobs of them. Go ahead. Be awkward. Get used to it. Then... then try with someone you really want to get to know. He's not so confident, but when a man gives his word... (Note to self: no more agreeing to Selby's plans without knowing what they are!)
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Heath Karras has a problem. Lots of eager first da Heath Karras has a problem. Lots of eager first dates... no second dates. With his propensity to spout random (and often bizarre) animal facts while nervous (he's always nervous around women) it's no wonder. 
His sister has a solution--lots of dates. Great, heaping gobs of them. Go ahead. Be awkward. Get used to it. Then... then try with someone you really want to get to know. He's not so confident, but when a man gives his word... (Note to self: no more agreeing to Selby's plans without knowing what they are!)
Find out what happens in Random Acts (or is it Facts?) of Shyness.

This book just got a fresh makeover, thanks to the genius of @PlethoraCreative & @PerryElizabeth.
There's a link to how to find it in my bio.
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