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Chautona Havig

Chautona Havig

Using story to connect YOU to the Master Storyteller

Is The Lost Art of Relationship Worth Your Time?

by Challice Neipp · 5 Comments

“He’s your father.”

I can’t tell you how many times that was my mother’s response to me complaining about something Dad had done. Look, this isn’t easy to say, because I have a great love and respect for my father. But he’s not perfect. Dad made serious mistakes in his life—some that affected all of us for years.

I heard her say it to my siblings, too—when they complained or spoke ill of their mother. Trust me. They had every reason to feel slighted, abandoned, and have honest, real, sincere feelings about her. Bad ones. Okay? Let’s just leave it there. But Mom, a step-mother just ten years older than my sister, wouldn’t allow them to badmouth their parents. Either one of them.

And they respected her for it, even when they didn’t like it.

Just for clarity’s sake, Mom wasn’t trying to whitewash the truth. She didn’t want to pretend that the very wrongs that had been perpetrated in our lives weren’t real and didn’t matter. Quite the opposite. She just didn’t want us to build them into relationship-dividing issues.

Because, yes. My father blew it sometimes (as we all do). But if I allowed myself to complain and grumble about those mistakes, would I have remembered all the wonderful things he did? Or would I have become consumed with the ugly?

Mom taught me that we’d never forget those ugly things, but it wasn’t right to define someone by their mistakes. Just as no one is completely right in everything they say or do, a person’s wrongs do not mean that the things they’ve done well are irrelevant. They aren’t fake.

I’ve said before that my father taught me two very important rules that changed my life. You can read more about that HERE. However, my mother taught me about relationships.

Mom taught me that people are more important.

“Than what?” you might ask. How about than anything? People are more important than my comfort level when I meet them. The person who serves me the wrong meal or a badly cooked one at a restaurant are more important than me receiving what is “due me.” The cashier at the store is more important than me getting out of there ASAP.

A relationship between siblings is more important than the peace and quiet I receive if I just take a toy away from squabbling children.

This is why, back in October-ish, when I had the opportunity to review a book—The Lost Art of Relationship, I didn’t even have to think twice. Any book that focused on treating relationship-ping as an art? That’s a book for me. I requested a copy so fast it wasn’t even funny.

It arrived many weeks ago. I pulled it from the envelope, sighed at a cover that I didn’t feel did it justice, flipped it over, read the back, and sighed again. This time because I just knew it was going to be good. Couldn’t wait to read it.  But you know… time.  That, of course, begs the question:

Note: links may be affiliate links that provide me with a small commission at no extra expense to you.  I requested a review copy of this book and then chose to post one.

Is The Lost Art of Relationship Worth Your Time?

Are people worth your time?  No, really.  Are the souls that Jesus Christ lived and died for worth your time?  Of course, they are.   This book begins with that premise (although Dan Chrystal doesn’t put it quite that way) and takes you through just how to “relationship.”

Yeah.  I went there.  I verb-bed it.  If we can “adult” in today’s world, we can “relationship,” too.

Three things about the book really bothered me.  First, as I said, the cover.  I am only mentioning it because, for those who make decisions based on covers, this one shouldn’t deter you. The facade doesn’t reflect the interior, so give it a shot.  Second, pretty sure no one in 1973 got a Social Security card at birth. That was a pilot program in three states in the 80s before it rolled out nationwide in the latter eighties. Bear with me—there’s a point to this.  It’s not a quick read—or at least, it wasn’t for me.

Yeah. That’s it. That’s what bothered me. Two inconsequential things (who cares about a cover when the inside is so great, and who cares about when Social Security cards became an automatic thing?  If I wasn’t a historical fiction author, I probably wouldn’t have even noticed) and a good thing.

Yeah, I wanted to read it fast.  I like to devour books. But you can’t with this one, and that’s a good thing.

So, what did I love specifically about The Lost Art of Relationship? 

It’ll have to be specific because otherwise, I’d just say everything.  I love that he took a difficult topic and made it approachable.  Not once did what he showed feel impossible. Dan Chrystal intertwined enough personal stories (and not one read like those cheesy “examples” that ruin many non-fiction books) with solid Biblical teaching and common sense so that none of it was overdone.

Okay, you can’t “overdo” Scripture.  Not really.  But you can ram it down throats if you’re not careful.  He was… so he didn’t.

None of the common issues with nonfiction surfaced as I read this.  I didn’t find proof-texting. The illustrations fit the point (and was that a relief!). And this feels a bit weird to say, but it’s true. Dan Chrystal didn’t dump a bunch of false humility in here in the way of “here’s everything I’ve ever done wrong.”  We didn’t get this single-sided thing that is so annoying. We saw his strengths, his weaknesses.  Pastor Chrystal showed us, through his examples, just how to live this truth he presented.

I suspected that would be the case when I opened it to read and found an inscription.

Look, this guy sent out a bunch of books to reviewers.  I seriously doubt that I’m the only one who got a hand-written, personalized note in the inside cover.  Dan Chrystal lives what he teaches. With that short note (34 words including salutation/closing names), he opened the doors to relationship.

I recommend The Lost Art of Relationship to anyone looking to make relationships a priority in his or her life. Take your time.  Savor.  Highlight.  Read and reread.

I’m not a big fan of taking Bible study time to study topics instead of, I don’t know, THE BIBLE (for an example of what I mean, see THIS video)… But for something like The Lost Art of Relationship, and for a short amount of time, I’d do it.  I really think it’s that important.

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Comments

  1. Marisela Zuniga says

    January 30, 2019 at 5:57 pm

    This sounds so great! Thank you for sharing

    Reply
  2. Lindsay says

    January 29, 2019 at 12:34 pm

    I hope this doesn’t seem too unspiritual 🙂 but the whole thing about the cover not being a good indicator of the content got me thinking about one of the big songs in the new Mary Poppins movie which has been going round in my head. The song is called “ the cover is not the book” and has been a wonderful way to get my children thinking about the dangers of judging on appearances. Your review has certainly triggered my interest in this book despite the cover ?

    Reply
    • Chautona Havig says

      January 29, 2019 at 2:31 pm

      Strange how things change, isn’t it? Once upon a time, you couldn’t judge a book by its cover. Covers were solid, plain, and told you nothing of the interior. Now, we can tell a lot–or should be able to.

      And you’re so right. With people, appearances can be deceiving.

      Reply
  3. Pam says

    January 29, 2019 at 8:25 am

    Your review makes me want to snatch the book up. Do you think it would draw you into deeper personal relationships? We are gearing up for retirement and this new time in our lives is a little scary. Exciting none the less. As we enter this phase of life do you think it would be helpful? Why is it that I can only remember the negative about my parents and not the positive things they did? I’ll be thinking about this all day! I always appreciate your reviews. So thoughtful and to the point. Have a good day!

    Reply
    • Chautona Havig says

      January 29, 2019 at 8:37 am

      He talks about what he does to invest in people–asking questions and getting to know them. He talks about how to keep investing when you don’t know anyone, when they don’t embrace it. There are lots of anecdotal stories that really show what investing in people looks like in his world. Not just him, but mostly him and his family.

      Reply

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The Because Fiction Podcast

The Because Fiction Podcast
The Because Fiction Podcast

Taking the pulse of Christian fiction

Episode 265: A Chat with Karen Witemeyer
byChautona Havig

Nothing says fairy tale like a sweet western romance by an author like Karen Witemeyer… unless it’s a fairytale retelling set in Texas in the late 19th century, right?  Fairest of Heart takes the familiar “Snow White” and turns it on its head with retired cowboys, a self-absorbed actress, a Texas Ranger, and a sweet girl who knows the true Source of her beauty.  Listen in to see all the genius Easter eggs Witemeyer planted in this book.

Note: links may be affiliate links that provide me with a small commission at no extra expense to you.

Sometimes All a Girl Needs Is a True Change of Heart

I fell in love with the cover of Karen Witemeyer’s Head Over Heels a few years back (only to learn it’s much older than that, even), and meant to read that book.  I didn’t.  #BecauseIdiot. Well, that’ll be rectified just as soon as I’m done listening to her first book in a trilogy of fairytale retellings. I loaded it up on my Audible app tonight and wheeeeeeee. Here I go! So much for no new books until October. HA! 

Karen talks about her heart for young women today and how they’re taught by every bit of media blasting at them that they need to use their bodies to get what they need or want when the Lord has a better plan. And I can’t guarantee it, but I strongly suspect she does it without preaching. SQUEE!

Fairest of Heart by Karen Witemeyer

Once upon a time in Texas . . .

Beauty has been nothing but a curse to Penelope Snow. When she becomes a personal maid for a famous actress whose troupe is leaving Chicago to tour the West, she hides her figure beneath shapeless dresses and keeps her head down. But she still manages to attract the wrong attention, leaving her prospects in tatters–and her jealous mistress plotting her demise.

After his brother lost his life over a woman, Texas Ranger Titus Kingsley has learned to expect the worst from women and is rarely disappointed. So when a young lady found in suspicious circumstances takes up residence with the seven old drovers living at his grandfather’s ranch, Titus is determined to keep a close eye on her.

With a promotion hanging in the balance, Titus is assigned to investigate a robbery case tied to Penelope’s acting troupe, and all evidence points to Penelope’s guilt. But Titus might just be convinced that the fairest woman of all has a heart as pure as her last name . . . if only he can prove it.

You can learn more about Karen Witemeyer and her books on her WEBSITE. Don’t forget the book is 30% off on BakerBookHouse.com.  

Follow Karen on BookBub and GoodReads.

And don’t forget her Posse Group on Facebook.

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Episode 265: A Chat with Karen Witemeyer
Episode 265: A Chat with Karen Witemeyer
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