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Chautona Havig

Chautona Havig

Using story to connect YOU to the Master Storyteller

Is The Lost Art of Relationship Worth Your Time?

by Challice Neipp · 5 Comments

“He’s your father.”

I can’t tell you how many times that was my mother’s response to me complaining about something Dad had done. Look, this isn’t easy to say, because I have a great love and respect for my father. But he’s not perfect. Dad made serious mistakes in his life—some that affected all of us for years.

I heard her say it to my siblings, too—when they complained or spoke ill of their mother. Trust me. They had every reason to feel slighted, abandoned, and have honest, real, sincere feelings about her. Bad ones. Okay? Let’s just leave it there. But Mom, a step-mother just ten years older than my sister, wouldn’t allow them to badmouth their parents. Either one of them.

And they respected her for it, even when they didn’t like it.

Just for clarity’s sake, Mom wasn’t trying to whitewash the truth. She didn’t want to pretend that the very wrongs that had been perpetrated in our lives weren’t real and didn’t matter. Quite the opposite. She just didn’t want us to build them into relationship-dividing issues.

Because, yes. My father blew it sometimes (as we all do). But if I allowed myself to complain and grumble about those mistakes, would I have remembered all the wonderful things he did? Or would I have become consumed with the ugly?

Mom taught me that we’d never forget those ugly things, but it wasn’t right to define someone by their mistakes. Just as no one is completely right in everything they say or do, a person’s wrongs do not mean that the things they’ve done well are irrelevant. They aren’t fake.

I’ve said before that my father taught me two very important rules that changed my life. You can read more about that HERE. However, my mother taught me about relationships.

Mom taught me that people are more important.

“Than what?” you might ask. How about than anything? People are more important than my comfort level when I meet them. The person who serves me the wrong meal or a badly cooked one at a restaurant are more important than me receiving what is “due me.” The cashier at the store is more important than me getting out of there ASAP.

A relationship between siblings is more important than the peace and quiet I receive if I just take a toy away from squabbling children.

This is why, back in October-ish, when I had the opportunity to review a book—The Lost Art of Relationship, I didn’t even have to think twice. Any book that focused on treating relationship-ping as an art? That’s a book for me. I requested a copy so fast it wasn’t even funny.

It arrived many weeks ago. I pulled it from the envelope, sighed at a cover that I didn’t feel did it justice, flipped it over, read the back, and sighed again. This time because I just knew it was going to be good. Couldn’t wait to read it.  But you know… time.  That, of course, begs the question:

Note: links may be affiliate links that provide me with a small commission at no extra expense to you.  I requested a review copy of this book and then chose to post one.

Is The Lost Art of Relationship Worth Your Time?

Are people worth your time?  No, really.  Are the souls that Jesus Christ lived and died for worth your time?  Of course, they are.   This book begins with that premise (although Dan Chrystal doesn’t put it quite that way) and takes you through just how to “relationship.”

Yeah.  I went there.  I verb-bed it.  If we can “adult” in today’s world, we can “relationship,” too.

Three things about the book really bothered me.  First, as I said, the cover.  I am only mentioning it because, for those who make decisions based on covers, this one shouldn’t deter you. The facade doesn’t reflect the interior, so give it a shot.  Second, pretty sure no one in 1973 got a Social Security card at birth. That was a pilot program in three states in the 80s before it rolled out nationwide in the latter eighties. Bear with me—there’s a point to this.  It’s not a quick read—or at least, it wasn’t for me.

Yeah. That’s it. That’s what bothered me. Two inconsequential things (who cares about a cover when the inside is so great, and who cares about when Social Security cards became an automatic thing?  If I wasn’t a historical fiction author, I probably wouldn’t have even noticed) and a good thing.

Yeah, I wanted to read it fast.  I like to devour books. But you can’t with this one, and that’s a good thing.

So, what did I love specifically about The Lost Art of Relationship? 

It’ll have to be specific because otherwise, I’d just say everything.  I love that he took a difficult topic and made it approachable.  Not once did what he showed feel impossible. Dan Chrystal intertwined enough personal stories (and not one read like those cheesy “examples” that ruin many non-fiction books) with solid Biblical teaching and common sense so that none of it was overdone.

Okay, you can’t “overdo” Scripture.  Not really.  But you can ram it down throats if you’re not careful.  He was… so he didn’t.

None of the common issues with nonfiction surfaced as I read this.  I didn’t find proof-texting. The illustrations fit the point (and was that a relief!). And this feels a bit weird to say, but it’s true. Dan Chrystal didn’t dump a bunch of false humility in here in the way of “here’s everything I’ve ever done wrong.”  We didn’t get this single-sided thing that is so annoying. We saw his strengths, his weaknesses.  Pastor Chrystal showed us, through his examples, just how to live this truth he presented.

I suspected that would be the case when I opened it to read and found an inscription.

Look, this guy sent out a bunch of books to reviewers.  I seriously doubt that I’m the only one who got a hand-written, personalized note in the inside cover.  Dan Chrystal lives what he teaches. With that short note (34 words including salutation/closing names), he opened the doors to relationship.

I recommend The Lost Art of Relationship to anyone looking to make relationships a priority in his or her life. Take your time.  Savor.  Highlight.  Read and reread.

I’m not a big fan of taking Bible study time to study topics instead of, I don’t know, THE BIBLE (for an example of what I mean, see THIS video)… But for something like The Lost Art of Relationship, and for a short amount of time, I’d do it.  I really think it’s that important.

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Comments

  1. Marisela Zuniga says

    January 30, 2019 at 5:57 pm

    This sounds so great! Thank you for sharing

    Reply
  2. Lindsay says

    January 29, 2019 at 12:34 pm

    I hope this doesn’t seem too unspiritual 🙂 but the whole thing about the cover not being a good indicator of the content got me thinking about one of the big songs in the new Mary Poppins movie which has been going round in my head. The song is called “ the cover is not the book” and has been a wonderful way to get my children thinking about the dangers of judging on appearances. Your review has certainly triggered my interest in this book despite the cover ?

    Reply
    • Chautona Havig says

      January 29, 2019 at 2:31 pm

      Strange how things change, isn’t it? Once upon a time, you couldn’t judge a book by its cover. Covers were solid, plain, and told you nothing of the interior. Now, we can tell a lot–or should be able to.

      And you’re so right. With people, appearances can be deceiving.

      Reply
  3. Pam says

    January 29, 2019 at 8:25 am

    Your review makes me want to snatch the book up. Do you think it would draw you into deeper personal relationships? We are gearing up for retirement and this new time in our lives is a little scary. Exciting none the less. As we enter this phase of life do you think it would be helpful? Why is it that I can only remember the negative about my parents and not the positive things they did? I’ll be thinking about this all day! I always appreciate your reviews. So thoughtful and to the point. Have a good day!

    Reply
    • Chautona Havig says

      January 29, 2019 at 8:37 am

      He talks about what he does to invest in people–asking questions and getting to know them. He talks about how to keep investing when you don’t know anyone, when they don’t embrace it. There are lots of anecdotal stories that really show what investing in people looks like in his world. Not just him, but mostly him and his family.

      Reply

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The Because Fiction Podcast

The Because Fiction Podcast
The Because Fiction Podcast

Taking the pulse of Christian fiction

Episode 215: A Chat with Henry O. Arnold
byChautona Havig

I had a chat with actor and author Henry O. Arnold a while back, and boy did we have a lot of fun. His Song of Prophets and Kings series features the advent of Israel’s kings from Samuel’s birth through David hiding from Saul (so far) and onward. Listen in as we chat about his most recent release, The Singer of Israel.

 

note: links may be affiliate links that provide me with a small commission at no extra expense to you.

What Made David Such a Man after God’s Heart?

I think this series will show us. I love that Henry O. Arnold started back at Samuel’s story to prepare us for the story of arguably the most influential king of Israel. Yes, Solomon was the wisest and richest, but David offered something that Solomon didn’t have. He was an average guy—a shepherd, no less—chosen by God to lead his country.

In a sense, it’s kind of the ancient Jewish version of a poor, everyday guy growing up to become President of the United States. If you know what I mean.

This five-book series is available as an eBook, in print, and as an audiobook, too! Henry read a snippet of it to us, and boy you get a feel for his love of Scripture and God’s people as he reads.

And if that wasn’t enough, he even gave us a hint of his upcoming Christian suspense/thriller “series. He says he has two books planned for sure, so… at least a duology, but maybe we can talk him into a trilogy at least? Get those odd numbers and everything?

The Singer of Israel by Henry O. Arnold

A singer’s voice inspires a troubled nation…A shepherd’s courage vanquishes a giant

The last official act of the prophet of Yahweh was to secretly anoint a replacement for the king of Israel who has been brought low by an unbalanced mind. The great prophet of Israel lives in fear of the wrath of the king. Then out of the hills of Bethlehem emerges the last-born son of a family of shepherds to become the unforeseen hero of Israel.

When David sings of the glory of Yahweh, this shepherd wins the hearts of the royal family and restores King Saul’s troubled mind. But when the singer/shepherd defeats the champion of the Philistines in single combat, David becomes forever known as “the giant slayer.” Saul quickly sees that David is now a threat to his kingdom and secretly plots to have him killed.

David may be the champion of the people of Israel, but he must live under the constant threat of Saul’s wrath until he is finally forced to flee for his life.

The Singer of Israel is a tale of triumph and tribulation, deepest love, and burning rivalries; the new epoch is given a voice…and it is The Song of Prophets and Kings.

You can learn more about Henry on this WEBSITE.

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Episode 215: A Chat with Henry O. Arnold
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