• Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Skip to footer
  • Home
  • Bio
  • Bookshelf
    • Audio
    • Complete List of Chautona’s Books
    • The Rockland Chronicles
      • The Vintage Wren
      • The Aggie Series
      • The Hartfield Mysteries
      • Sight Unseen Series
        • Sight Unseen Series Archives
      • The Agency Files
      • Christmas Fiction
    • Legacy of the Vines
    • Meddlin’ Madeline
      • Madeline Blog Archive
    • Ballads from the Hearth
      • Ballads from the Hearth Blog Archive
    • Legends of the Vengeance
    • Journey of Dreams
    • Wynnewood
    • Webster’s Bakery
    • The Not-So-Fairy Tales
    • Heart of Warwickshire
  • Start HERE
    • Characters
    • Suggested Reading Order
    • Free Books
  • Blog
  • Contact
  • Podcast
    • Advertising
    • Podcast Guest Information
    • Podcast Interview FAQ
  • Nav Social Menu

    • Email
    • Facebook
    • Instagram
    • Pinterest
    • Twitter
    • YouTube
  • Bonus
  • Speaking
  • New & Coming
Chautona Havig

Chautona Havig

Using story to connect YOU to the Master Storyteller

The Pitfalls of Being Real and How to Combat Them

by Chautona Havig · Leave a Comment

You've heard it. Be Real. But what does being real even mean? What if my reality isn't what someone else thinks it should be? How do we combat such demands? via @chautonahavig

It happened again. Another person asked how homeschooled kids can possibly hope to cope in the “real world.” I wanted to bang my head.  Because if you pulled a publicly educated kid from the Bronx and set that kid in rural Iowa, he’d be a mess.  He wouldn’t know how to deal with that real world.  And if you took that small-town Iowa girl and plopped her in the middle of Beijing, she’d be totally lost and confused.  Yet, that world of Beijing is the real world to the citizens there.  It’s like I said in Past Forward, when Chad is talking to his father about Willow’s isolation:

“The force has taught me that there are a lot of different ‘real worlds’ out there. The rich kids don’t have a clue about life in the inner city real world. The town of Fairbury interacts in the big city, but they don’t really know what it’s like to live there. And then there’s Willow. If you don’t do it yourself to survive, then she’s clueless.”

Ahem.

You know how Chad says that—about everyone’s “real world” being different than everyone else’s?  It’s true.  I’ve said it for years.  My “real world” isn’t poverty, single parenting, starvation, or the corporate world.  The fact that it IS a reality for others doesn’t make my “real world” any less real than mine makes theirs… less real, I mean.

And, because I am convinced I have some form of ADD, that spiraled into another train of thought.  “Being real.”

The Pitfalls Of Being Real and How to Combat Them

The Pitfalls of Being Real and How to Combat Them

We’ve all seen it.  Some mom posts a picture of her kid’s party, the results of her canning labors (sans the disaster behind her), her kid’s honor roll slip.  Another woman only posts pictures of herself and her family smiling and out doing things together. Another woman posts a picture of the mess her toddler made on the otherwise pristine kitchen floor.  All single ice cream dollop of a mess.  Whether on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, a message board, a blog, or even in person at a Bible study or mom’s night out—it happens.  Someone just shares a piece of his or her life (let’s face it though, it’s usually a “her”), and the claws come out.

The Pitfalls of Being Real

The killer is, it’s not right away. 

Unlike my fake convo up there (which one of my launch team members saw and was way confused about, I might add), a lot of this happens off-post or several days later. The issue?  Being “real.”  There’s usually a target for these things, but in the interest of “Vaguebooking,” that target is unmentioned but often clearly identified.  You know, kind of like how “Mr. Collins,” in the modern, Mormon version of Pride & Prejudice, “outs” Lizzy in church.

“Let’s call her… Elizabeth B.  No, no. E. Bennet.”

Ahem again.

I’d like to think the pain just builds until someone rants, not realizing they’ve just pointed a finger at someone they usually call a friend.  I’d like to think that.  I’ve also seen that it isn’t necessarily true.  And that breaks my heart. We claim to value “real-ness” in today’s society.  But the truth is, half the time, what we mean by that is we value seeing just how messed up everyone else is.  We want to feel better about ourselves by seeing how maybe we aren’t quite so pathetic as we thought. No one wants to be alone in her pain.

Look, I get it. I do. Sometimes you need to know you aren’t as pathetic as you feel.  And yes, there are definitely people out there putting up a false front to hide their true lives.  But can’t you see?  Those people are hurting just as much as you are.  And putting their pain on display for the world… how can anyone who calls herself a Christian possibly justify that in light of Philippians 4:8 or 1 Corinthians 13? How?

Pitfalls of being real:

  1. Usually, when people share posts about themselves, they include other people—people who may not appreciate having their failures advertised to the world.  You may see Susy the Parenting Guru’s lack of tell-all posting about her kids as fake.  She may see it as showing respect for them.  Not putting something out there that CAN NEVER BE GOTTEN BACK.
  2. It’s like gossip, you can destroy someone’s reputation—even your own—by being indiscriminate about what you share.
  3. For people who are out for juicy bits, no amount of “reality” will be enough.  That monster has a voracious and insatiable appetite.
  4. Practically speaking, you can kill employment opportunities if your social media is full of indiscriminate negative posting about your life or the lives of others.  It makes you suspect in the minds of potential employers
  5. That negative, just like all the fun, shiny bits, is just one tiny piece of the puzzle.  And just like the shiny bits, it tends to paint a broad picture of your life.  Do you really want the world to think that you ONLY have children who reduce you to tears?  Will the world see your disaster movie inspired home “decor” as the result of a whirlwind weekend with 12 pre-pubescent boys having run of the place?  Really?  No, when they think of your house, that’s ALL they see.
  6. You can actually convince yourself that you have a terrible life when all you do is focus on the negative.

Look, it’s a negative world out there.  

Ever watch the news?  I rest my case.  And I am not calling for us to be disingenuous!  Not in the least. But maybe, just maybe, we can allow ourselves a little grace and focus on what we need to focus on to get us through this messy thing called life.

if someone is drowning, help!Jane needs to feel “real” and put it all out there.  And that’s her prerogative.  But if Marla says, “Nope. I’m not going to share my fights with my husband, the way my kids trashed the house when I was sick, and the aftermath of the tornado otherwise known as my toddler. I’m going to focus on JOY… that’s okay, too.

Give grace.  Please, sisters.  For the love that Jesus showed us in His dealings with our pathetic selves, show grace.  Accept that someone is different.  It’s allowed!  It’s okay.

C’mon.  I’m all for transparency.  I mean, I’m pretty much an open book.  But when the page in the book is about my kid, and my kid wouldn’t want his or her life screenshot for the world to read, I turn it until it’s my story to share.

Transparency is beautiful until you’re standing naked and ashamed before the whole world.

I am all for authenticity!  That fake, plastic, only-put-on-for-show so-called reality show persona? Not interested!  But just who are we to accuse someone else of being inauthentic because it isn't our reality?
Click to Tweet

Practically speaking:

How do we combat the frustrations and fears that come when we feel like no one is being “real” and we’re alone in our very raw reality?

  • Why don’t you ask “Perfect Pam” if she ever has a bad day?  Don’t ask her to air her dirty laundry in front of her two thousand closest “friends.” Just call her.  Tell her you’re having an inferior moment.  Be REAL with her.  And then maybe, just maybe she’ll be real with you.
  • Use Social media for help!

    Put a call out on social media. Use that social media in a positive way. ASK people to share a picture of their dinner.  And then, ask if they’re brave enough to show their kitchens, too—after all that meal prep.  And then when someone posts a reasonably clean kitchen, ASK how she made a beautiful, three-course meal without a mess.  She might just have a solution that’ll save you hours of work.  It doesn’t mean she isn’t being real.  It’s that her reality is different than yours.  And that’s okay!

  • Be willing to make that first move.  You don’t have to show your six-foot-high pile of laundry, your dirty toilet, your car that looks like you’ve lived in it for the past six weeks (because for all intents and purposes, you have!).  You don’t have to show how the weeds killed your entire garden except for one tomato plant with one perfect tomato.  You don’t.  It is no less true that you grew one beautiful tomato than it is true that you killed everything else. Show what you’re comfortable with, but show grace when others aren’t.
  • It sounds trite, but pray before you confront.  And when you do, go in private to talk to someone.  If you can’t get past what you see as dishonesty, then talk to your friend.  Ask her about it.  Share your struggles. But before you do any of it, pray. Make sure your eyes aren’t blinded by the beams you have protruding from them.

    But above all,

  • Remember the full picture.  The woman showing all the beauty of her life has ugliness.  Yes.  And the woman focused on all the ugliness in hers?  Yeah. She has beauty there. There’s a huge picture that is none of our business.  Show a little Matthew 7:12 mercy there.  It goes a long way. A very long way.
Share108
Pin
Tweet
Email
111Shares
Share
Pin
Tweet
Email
111Shares

Related

Filed Under: General Information, Short Stories

Previous Post: « 15 Bloggers Share How They Fell in Love with Christian Fiction
Next Post: Why November 5 Is the Best Obscure Holiday Ever! »

Reader Interactions

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

You have to agree to the comment policy.

Or, you can subscribe without commenting.

Primary Sidebar

The Because Fiction Podcast

The Because Fiction Podcast
The Because Fiction Podcast

Taking the pulse of Christian fiction

Episode 163: A Chat with Naomi Craig about Ezekiel's Song
byChautona Havig

Before I began the interview with Naomi Craig about Ezekiel’s Song, I kind of went crazy and left it in to give you a chuckle. But Naomi and I chat about her upcoming release, why she chose to write about Ezekiel, and what areas she focused on. Listen in and hear her heart for the Word and for stimulating readers to love it and live it.

Oh, and that song I couldn’t remember? Well, I found it after a BUNCH of hunting on YouTube. Here you go!

Note: links may be affiliate links that provide me with a small commission at no extra expense to you.

Has Ezekiel Always Confused You? How about a Little Fictional Clarity?

There’s SO much to write about in Ezekiel, but after talking to Naomi Craig, I feel like I got a pretty good grasp of where she’s taking this book without feeling like I don’t need to read it now that we chatted, and that’s always great. Naomi shows service in the temple, how Ezekiel could have had a mentorish relationship under Jeremiah, and even what kind of woman his wife might have been.

Personally, I love the “Darcy-ish” meeting where he totally insults her and accuses her of being an idolatress. Let me tell you something. I cannot wait to read that! Seriously!

God had Ezekiel do a lot of weird things, and I always wondered how he managed some of it, but Naomi brings out possibilities by focusing on this wife that we don’t know much (anything) about. How cool is that?

Naomi also gave us a couple of glimpses into what’s coming next!

She’s #TeamBlue in the Keeping Christmas novella collections, writing about Herod’s palace and the wise men’s appearance looking for “the King of the Jews.”  And… from a scribe’s perspective!  How cool is that?

Also… next up is a book about a woman in Ephriam’s lineage who built three cities. A woman credited with the building of these cities!  I cannot wait! I love how Naomi focuses on how strong Biblical women were. So often we think of them as downtrodden and little more than cattle, but God shows how much He loves His daughters in the Word, and He definitely allows them to shine. We saw that in Naomi’s debut novel Rahab’s Courage.

Ezekiel’s Song by Naomi Craig

A prophet’s heart broken, a woman’s joy gone. What does Yahweh have planned for His people?

On the brink of Jerusalem’s demise, devoted priest, Ezekiel, sees the insincerity of Judah’s worship. Despite his efforts to call the people back to true worship of Yahweh, priests, artisans, valiant warriors, and royals are exiled to Babylon. When God gives him messages of continued judgment for the people in his homeland, his heart breaks. How can he minister to the people from so far away?

The presence of the Lord is tangible when Shiriel sings in the temple, and her voice prepares the hearts of many to worship. When she is exiled to Babylon, her faith is shaken. Does the Lord’s presence extend beyond Jerusalem and His holy temple?

Ezekiel is struck mute and paralyzed as he begins his prophetic ministry, and Shiriel devises a plan to get the Lord’s message back to the unfaithful people of Judah. Shiriel struggles with discontentment as serving the Lord looks nothing like she’d imagined. Can she provide for her family and carry out her husband’s ministry when her joy is gone, and her own dreams are placed on hold?

How will Yahweh save His people from themselves? Find out in Ezekiel’s Song!

Ezekiel’s Song is available at 30% off paperback and at a discount for Kindle, too through release week, so visit Naomi’s WEBSITE for more information.

Like to listen on the go? You can find Because Fiction Podcast at:

  • Apple 
  • Castbox 
  • Google Play
  • Libsyn 
  • RSS
  • Spotify
  • Stitcher
  • Amazon
  • and more!
Episode 163: A Chat with Naomi Craig about Ezekiel's Song
Episode 163: A Chat with Naomi Craig about Ezekiel's Song
August 12, 2022
Chautona Havig
Episode 162: A Chat with Author, Nancy Naigle
August 9, 2022
Chautona Havig
Episode 161: A Chat with Christian Women's Fiction Robin W. Pearson
July 26, 2022
Chautona Havig
Episode 160: A Chat with Liz Johnson about The Last Way Home
July 22, 2022
Chautona Havig
Episode 159: A Chat with Biblical Fiction Author, Mesu Andrews
July 19, 2022
Chautona Havig
A Chat with Historical Christian Fiction Author, Stephanie Landsem
July 12, 2022
Chautona Havig
Episode 157: A Chat with Historical Christian Fiction Author, Lynn Austin
July 8, 2022
Chautona Havig
Episode 156: The Fragrance of Violets by Susan K. Beatty
July 5, 2022
Chautona Havig
Episode 155: Chatting with Heather Day Gilbert & Jen Cudmore
July 1, 2022
Chautona Havig
Episode 154: A Chat with Romantic Suspense Author, Sami A. Abrams
June 28, 2022
Chautona Havig
Search Results placeholder

Join a Reading Challenge

2022 Write Reading Challenge

Love Audio Books?

audio book ad

Check out the Sparrow Island novels. A tiny island with a lot of heart

independence islands series

Featured Books

Finding a Memory

Finding a Memory
Buy This Book Online
Purchase with Paypal
Buy from Amazon Kindle
Buy from Amazon
Finding a Memory
Buy now!

Penelope’s Pursuit

Penelope’s Pursuit
Buy This Book Online
Buy from Amazon Kindle
Buy from Amazon
Purchase with Paypal
Penelope’s Pursuit
Buy now!

The Last Gasp

The Last Gasp
Buy This Book Online
Purchase with Paypal
Buy from Audible.com
Buy from Amazon
Buy from Amazon Kindle
The Last Gasp
Buy now!

Upcoming Posts

Sorry - nothing planned yet!

Or just subscribe to the newsletter

Recent Blog Posts

  • Book Club Capers: July Part One
  • Has Ezekiel Always Confused You? How about a Little Fictional Clarity?
  • Need a Great Romantic Read to Wind Up Your Summer Reads?

I buy my stickers here! (affiliate)

Custom Stickers, Die Cut Stickers, Bumper Stickers - Sticker Mule

Footer

What Am I Working On?

Book, Chapter & Vows
Book, Chapter, & Vows
Phase:Week 3
100%
Get Book Updates

Featured

Finding a Memory

Finding a Memory
Buy This Book Online
Purchase with Paypal
Buy from Amazon Kindle
Buy from Amazon
Finding a Memory
Buy now!

Dial W for Wrangler

Dial W for Wrangler

Disclosure:

Disclosure: Links on this website may or may not be affiliate links and as such, I may receive compensation from the retailer indicated for linking to their product. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.

Note: I DO NOT link to products that I do not recommend.

Privacy & Cookies. This website uses cookies (not the delicious kinds that make life grand) to do stuff it needs to do. By staying on the site, you agree to this evil substitution of yummy cookies for internet calorie-free substitutes. For more info, click here and read the boring stuff. Cookie Policy
Reposted from @tabithabouldin Reposted from @Sarah Reposted from @tabithabouldin Reposted from @Sarah Monzon The entire Carrington Family series is on sale for only 99¢! (Free with #kindleunlimited ) 

Split-time romances with high stakes and even higher rewards! 

#splittime #romance #booksale #kindlecountdown #bookstagram #christianfiction #readmorebooks #read #books #ebooksale #boxset
If only owning a bookstore didn't mean dealing wit If only owning a bookstore didn't mean dealing with people.
Harper Brevig has two skills—picking out snarky bookish t-shirts and alienating customers. 
Oh, and racking up bills out of thin air. Make that three skills. She loves the elderly and the very 
young—except the ones who destroy her beloved books. You could say she doesn’t have a very nice 
“book-side manner.” 
Milton Coleridge and his parrotlet Atticus (not Finch) come to the rescue… but is it too late to 
save this bookstore?
Twice Sold Tales: the first full-length novel in the Bookstrings Series releases on November 2, 
2022. Link to more information is in my bio! 
#amwriting
#amreading
#bookishbooks
#bookstrings
#comingsoon
#ChristianFiction
Reposted from @mwardwellwrites A mother/son road t Reposted from @mwardwellwrites A mother/son road trip isn’t always fun, but it was a bonding experience for Liz and her son, Matt.

Finding Hope in Savannah is on Sale now through the 19th, only on Amazon.

https://amzn.to/3vZypVq

#book #firstlinefriday #savannahgeorgia #romance #Christfic #singlemother #redemption
Fascinating moon tonight. Fascinating moon tonight.
If only owning a bookstore didn't mean dealing wit If only owning a bookstore didn't mean dealing with people.
Harper Brevig has two skills—picking out snarky bookish t-shirts and alienating customers. 
Oh, and racking up bills out of thin air. Make that three skills. She loves the elderly and the very 
young—except the ones who destroy her beloved books. You could say she doesn’t have a very nice 
“book-side manner.” 
Milton Coleridge and his parrotlet Atticus (not Finch) come to the rescue… but is it too late to 
save this bookstore?
Twice Sold Tales: the first full-length novel in the Bookstrings Series releases on November 2, 
2022. Link to more information is in my bio! 
#amwriting
#amreading
#bookishbooks
#bookstrings
#comingsoon
#ChristianFiction
#becauselunch #becauselunch
While I was in Minnesota, I went to Red Wing for While I was in Minnesota,  I went to Red Wing for research,  and the shop manager of the salon I've appropriated for my bookstore in Twice Sold Tales was so encouraging and helpful.  She even gave @catheswanson a great bang trim.
#amwriting 
#christfic 
#bookstrings 
#comingsoon
  • Home
  • Bookshelf
  • New & Coming
  • Blog
  • News!
  • Disclosure & Policies
  • Privacy Policy

Copyright © 2022 · Chautona Havig · All Rights Reserved · Coding by Gretchen Louise

Don't go before you grab your FREE short story collection!