The Typewriter Plot (a Guy Fawkes NaNoWriMo Parody)

It tiptoes back into the realm of possibilities. A whisper. “Will you do it? Please? It’s been so long…”

I don’t know the answer I should give, but I do know the answer I want to give. A resounding, “YES!!” sings in my heart even as I look at the screen… wondering. Can I do it? Should I?

Frankly, probably not. To both questions. Am I going to…?

Well, this is my “annual” NaNoWriMo parody, so…

SQUEEE!!! YES!

For the uninitiated, NaNoWriMo (naa-noe-wry-moe is how I pronounce it. I’m big on making the WRI part sound like writing in particular) is a challenge to write fifty-thousand words (most of a novel) in a month. For me, 50K is barely novel status for mysteries and still novella status for about everything else. But it’s a lot of fun, and I like to challenge myself with it.

I’ve always done this–issued a challenge to myself for NaNoWriMo. The first time it was to “write a sermon as a novel without preaching.” I did a decent job with that and got Argosy Junction out of it! Another time I went for “use an outline” and Thirty Days Hath… was the result. One year it was sci-fi (Volition) and so on.

This year, I’ve decided to dictate the novel. I’ll use my Ottr app on my phone and it’ll transcribe the novel as I speak the words. It’ll be fun. Maybe.

Look, I’m going to be as realistic as I can right now. Whatever I end up writing (did I mention I haven’t decided what it’ll be yet? What’s the problem? I’ve got seven hours!!!), will probably be garbage. I don’t expect to be able to use it. Dictation doesn’t come naturally to me. I need to feel the keys and see the words form. I expect a laundry list of a story that no one (not even my mother) can love. BUT…

Once upon a time…

A budding author wrote a sixty-thousand-word book. It was awful. It definitely read like a laundry list. But the author thought there was “something there” and began rewriting. Those sixty-thousand words fleshed out into two and a half novels–each of which were 120k words each (except for the other half of that last novel… only about 100k. That series? Aggie’s Inheritance. Yep, Aggie was a laundry list once upon a time. So… maybe as garbagey as this book is likely to be (whatever this book is)…

Maybe it’ll be decent once I get my hands on it and am able to edit some life into it.

Here’s the deal. I just think that dictation is something I need to learn. It is WAY faster than typing out a novel. So if I can learn it, then I want to.

And it wouldn’t be a NaNoWriMo kick-off night without a parody to go with it. This time… I decided to go with Guy Fawkes and “The Gunpowder Plot” poem. Here you go. Laugh at my pathetic parody abilities. I know I am!

The Typewriter Plot (a Guy Fawkes NaNoWriMo Parody)

Remember, remember!
The first of November
NaNoWriMo sparks a new plot.
And with loss of reason
Throughout this writing season
We’ll find the words we once sought.

Authors and their companions
Do the scheme contrive,
With ideas, dreams, and prosaic words
Tales they derive.

50K words they must find
To move their stories from the mind.
By God’s providence, first words they’ll write
On this the opening NaNo night.
A pen and a page
For lit’rature’s sake!

If you can’t write just one,
Then write two,
The worse for me,
The better for you!

A plot, a plot, to drive the tale.
Some cheese and crackers to fuel her
A cup of tea to wash it down,
And a jolly good story to write, sir!

Write the words! Write the words! Make the plot sing!
Write the words! Write the words! The midnight chime rings!
Hip, hip, hooor-r-r-ray!

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