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Chautona Havig

Chautona Havig

Using story to connect YOU to the Master Storyteller

The Hidden Blessings in Losing Your Memory

by Chautona Havig · 2 Comments

“Who are you, again?”

“I’m Joe’s, daughter. Vyonie.” My sister pointed to me. “This is Chautona.”

For some odd reason, the niece she spent the least amount of time with, Aunt Doris remembered—somewhat. But she didn’t remember Vyonie from what I could tell. She smiled at me, that amazing, sweet smile I’d never forget. She asked how I was. I always thought that Mrs. Sanderson—mother of John, Alicia, and Carl on the TV show, Little House on the Prairie—looked and sounded like Aunt Doris. Of course, that memory of me didn’t last.

A minute or two later, she gave me a big smile and asked if she knew me.

It gave me a picture of what it must have been like for my character, Ella Weeks—to wake up every day with these children there—children who knew her, but she didn’t remember. The hurt she caused every time she had to struggle to admit she didn’t know something she probably should—again. Losing your memory–could anything be worse?

The Hidden Blessings in Losing Your Memory

Links in this post may be affiliate links which provide me with a small commission at no extra expense to you.

So, I thought I’d ask her to tell us about it.

None So BlindElla:

People often assume that the worst part of losing your memory are the memories that disappeared, too. But it’s not. A much as I’d love to remember my wedding day, my daughter’s first steps, my son’s first words, or that moment I realized I was pregnant with my third, those are blessings that I don’t think about often.

No, what hurts most is seeing the pain in my children’s eyes when they need me to remember something and I can’t. For me, not remembering their first day of kindergarten is an inconvenience. For them, it’s a further reminder that if they didn’t tell me, I wouldn’t know them. That without them pushing themselves into my life, I wouldn’t care about them any more than any other human in my path.

I do now, of course, but not at first. I hate that they heard David say once,

…she doesn’t know me. She doesn’t trust me. She doesn’t know our children. She tries, but she could walk out of our lives tomorrow and never miss us.”

Living so close to it every day, I missed those little bits of pain that I inflicted without meaning to, but when I went with our Bible study to a nursing home and visited with the residents, then I saw it. Women with tears running down their cheeks as loved ones patted their hands and tried to comfort. I heard one man offer to find a woman’s father. She squeezed him close and whispered, “It’s okay, Daddy. I love you. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

The man promised to try to find her father in the meantime.

Those people there—most of them didn’t realize they didn’t remember someone important. They didn’t struggle to remember this or that. Their dementia had gotten bad enough that their lives had gone from constant frustration to, by comparison, blissful oblivion.

And their families withered with each forgotten face, name, moment.

Will Not See quote

That’s what my “episode” did for my family. It caused them pain that just resurfaced every time something new happened. Pain that I didn’t know I inflicted. And since that visit, I have a greater compassion and awareness of just how amazing and powerful memories are.

I also have a greater appreciation for those beautiful words in Isaiah when the Lord promised…

I, even I, am the one who wipes out your transgressions for My own sake, And I will not remember your sins.”

You see, there’s a lifetime of the sins that Jesus died for buried somewhere in my brain.

Will Not SeeOr, at least at one time there was. I know that those sins were in there, because the ones I committed yesterday are there today. The ones I’ve already confessed and been forgiven for—I beat myself up for the next morning.

A week later. A month. But the Lord has wiped them clean. I just keep smearing them back out there again as if to say, “But You don’t get how BAD I was.” Yeah. The arrogance, right? Because an almighty, holy God can’t possibly understand how sinful a sinner that He had to DIE to save from those sins… is. The arrogance? That’s an understatement.

But all those years before that horrible morning… gone. Maybe I stole something. I don’t know. It was forgiven, wiped clean, and then wiped from my memory. I can’t rehash it with the Lord over and over. I can’t drag it back up like a wife who won’t let her husband forget the one time he forgot her birthday. I can’t use it as a whip to beat myself up with. And I think there’s something beautiful in that.

Do I wish I could stop hurting my family with my blank past? Of course. But am I also grateful for a living picture of the fresh start the Lord gives His people at salvation? Definitely. I hope I never take it for granted again.

 

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Comments

  1. Andrea Stoeckel says

    June 20, 2017 at 5:54 am

    There was a back page article in the NYTIMES Magazine in 2001 about how much nicer the writer’s mother was as she slipped into ALZ. Went looking for the link but the article is over 15 years old now…if I find it, I will share

    Reply
    • Chautona Havig says

      June 20, 2017 at 3:12 pm

      Thank you! 🙂

      Reply

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Episode 48: A Chat with T.E. Price
by Chautona Havig

What happens when you combine domestic violence with suspense?  A hair-raising ride you won’t want to miss.

On March 2, T.E. Price ‘s book, Take Flight, releases on eBook, and boy is this one excellent story.  Join me as I talk with Tiffany about her book, the inspiration, and all the excellence you’ll find within the can’t-put-it-down pages.

Note: links may be affiliate links that provide me with a small commission at no extra expense to you!

The 3 Best Things about This Domestic Abuse Suspense Novel

A new author to me, T.E. Price knocked her suspense (and almost thriller) out of the park with three excellent elements to the book.  

Aside from wonderful and realistic characterization and edge-of-your-seat storytelling, T.E. Price also digs deep into a subject Christians sometimes like to pretend isn’t a thing.  And boy does she do it well. 

So if a great story that grips you and won’t let you go isn’t the best thing, what is?  Well… I’ve got three.

First, the writing is stellar.

Let’s face it, domestic abuse victims have cyclical thought patterns and actions that can feel redundant and become boring when you see it on the page, but Tiffany managed to avoid that while still showing how real and confusing it can be both for the person going through it and for those watching from the outside.

Second, her laser focus on her subject.

Domestic abuse is a multi-layered and faceted subject that spans so many different aspects of life. It would be easy and natural, even, to try to show it all with the one person who experienced it all, but T.E. Price keeps her focus on one woman’s escape from that life and how it affects her relationship with the Lord and others. That’s it.  

Third, T.E. Price shows her heart for the Lord and His people in every word on the page.

While not preachy at all, and while often just the undercurrent of the story, there is no doubt in the reader’s mind that Price wants the reader to learn both how to overcome as the victim of domestic violence and how to aid others in the church going through it.  Additionally, that steady reminder of Who the only true support we truly have touches every aspect of Hallie McClain’s life.

There are so many other excellent elements to Take Flight, but I’d be chatting all day with Tiffany (and nearly did!) if I kept going.

Don’t forget!

T.E. Price’s book releases March 2, 2021 and on March 5, 2021  from 7-8 pm (EST) she is having a Facebook launch party with prizes and lots of information about it.  HERE is a link to that party and I hope to be there to celebrate with her!  Please join her and maybe you’ll win an eBook copy of Take Flight!

You can find more about T.E. Price (Tiffany) at her WEBSITE where you can also find her other novel, Love’s True Colors.

Title:  Take Flight Author: T.E. Price Synopsis:  

Within Take Flight, readers follow Hallie McClain as she is faced with numerous fight-or-flight decisions in her attempt to escape her abusive husband, Jonathan McClain.

Hallie has made the decision to leave him for good, but Jonathan has no intentions of complying. During their separation, Hallie grapples with trusting those closest to her, the gossip-mill of her small town, and her wavering trust in God. Living alone in a secret, secluded cabin in the woods, she is thrust into multiple circumstances where she has to balance her safety with the reality of inescapable encounters with her soon-to-be ex-husband. Jonathan soon discovers Hallie’s whereabouts, forcing her to escape to the city while awaiting the divorce, but her move isn’t the solution as her safety is still compromised.

Hallie has to learn to trust God with her safety while leaning on the church body for support. The tantalizing storyline of Take Flight weaves through one “fight-or-flight” scenario after the next, filling Hallie with angst regarding her constant need for escape. Take Flight addresses the ugliness of domestic abuse and the need for support from the church community. Furthermore, it affirms God’s trustworthiness in the midst of difficult, sometimes even life-threatening, situations.

Like to listen on the go? You can find Because Fiction Podcast at:

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You can find the Blog post HERE.

Episode 48: A Chat with T.E. Price
Episode 48: A Chat with T.E. Price
February 23, 2021
Chautona Havig
Episode 47: The Drew Farthering Mysteries
February 16, 2021
Chautona Havig
Episode 46: What Romances Do I Think Are Perfect for Valentine's Day?
February 9, 2021
Chautona Havig
Episode 45: A Gush about Things We Didn't Say
February 2, 2021
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Episode 44: A Chat with Carolyn Miller
January 26, 2021
Chautona Havig
Episode 43: A Chat with Allison Pearl
January 19, 2021
Chautona Havig
Episode 42: A Chat with J'nell Ciesielski
January 13, 2021
Chautona Havig
Episode 41: A Chat with Jennifer Pierce
January 5, 2021
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Episode 40: My Favorite Book of 2020
December 8, 2020
Chautona Havig
Episode 39: A Chat with L.K. Simonds
December 1, 2020
Chautona Havig
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