• Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Home
  • Bio
  • Bookshelf
    • Audio
    • Complete List of Chautona’s Books
    • The Rockland Chronicles
      • The Vintage Wren
      • The Aggie Series
      • The Hartfield Mysteries
      • Sight Unseen Series
        • Sight Unseen Series Archives
      • The Agency Files
      • Christmas Fiction
    • Legacy of the Vines
    • Meddlin’ Madeline
      • Madeline Blog Archive
    • Ballads from the Hearth
      • Ballads from the Hearth Blog Archive
    • Legends of the Vengeance
    • Journey of Dreams
    • Wynnewood
    • Webster’s Bakery
    • The Not-So-Fairy Tales
    • Heart of Warwickshire
  • Start HERE
    • If You Like…
    • Characters
    • Suggested Reading Order
    • Free Books
  • Blog
  • Contact
  • Podcast
    • Advertising
    • Podcast Guest Information
    • Podcast Interview FAQ
  • Merch Shop
  • Nav Social Menu

    • Email
    • Facebook
    • Instagram
    • Pinterest
    • Twitter
    • YouTube
  • Bonus
  • Speaking
  • New & Coming
Chautona Havig

Chautona Havig

Using story to connect YOU to the Master Storyteller

What 4 All-American Things Do I Absolutely Hate?

by Chautona Havig · 12 Comments

I was a kid in the seventies.  I mean, you almost couldn’t BE a more seventies kid than me.  Time-wise, anyway.  I was born in 1970–on the first anniversary of man landing on the moon. WOOT!  Most of the other 70’s kid stuff didn’t really apply to me.  I didn’t watch much TV, I didn’t get into pop culture, and I was not fond of the music.  Not at all.  I don’t remember many commercials either, but this one… this one I do.  And I LOVED it as a kid.

Let’s face it.  This is a masterpiece of commercial jingle-ism. Whoever created it better be RICH.  40 years later, I’m still singing it.  In the interest of full disclosure, I also sang, “I wish I were an Oscar Meyer weiner…”  Yeah.  How did THAT ever make it?  No clue.

What do these 4 all-American things have in common?

I can’t stand any of them.  Especially baseball.

What 4 All-American Things Do I Hate?

Note: links in this post may be affiliate links that provide me with a small commission at no extra expense to you.

I promised in THIS POST an expose of my opinions on baseball (adapted from an old blog post on an even older blog) so here it is in all of its boring glory.  Pun intended.

Let’s set the scene. Ok, so you go to a ballgame.  It’s hot (or freezing cold), crowds of people wait in line to get into the stands, and after waiting for what felt like HOURS just to get in, you slide your money across and receive that over-priced ticket.

Let me tell you a secret.  They do this deliberately. It’s actually a kindness, all that time in the sun, burning to a crisp… yeah.  It is.  Because you’ll be wishing you could stand all too soon.

You find your seat.  Yep. There it is, your piece of metal or wood planking. Oh, so comfy

You order the nasty dogs  (aren’t you all-American!), grab some salted peanuts (which are only sold to convince you to purchase an overpriced drink) and you sit and wait.

And wait.

Shift in your seat.

And wait.

Eat the dog.

Wait.

Drink the soda.

Wait–but this time in a line outside the mile-long queue for the bathroom.

Panicked, you dash back out in record time (after taking record time to get IN there) and rush back to your seat, sure you’ve missed the first inning.

And wait.

Then, someone who can’t sing, or who can but is possessed by the erroneous idea that our national anthem must be sung as terribly as possible in order to stick to some unwritten law, stands and butchers the Star Spangled Banner.  Add more vibrato and half a dozen runs here.

Why can’t they do it like THIS?

*insert goosebumps here*

Fine, I’ll confess. I don’t cry over very many things, but that made me tear up.  God bless the USA… what’s left of her.

Back to the ol’ ballgame.

Bad news. You gotta sit again.  That big, burly dude behind you is probably usually a squishy teddy bear, but do you want to risk it while you’re blocking his view of an empty field?

At least your bum is circulating again.  No worries, it’ll be numb again soon.  I promise.

all-american things I hateFinally, you see people appear and… OH, MY CONVERSE SNEAKERS! The first pitch is thrown! This is probably the most interesting thing that will happen for a long time.  Make sure you don’t miss it.  Then again, it’s only ceremonial so don’t get too excited.

So now they warm up.  They stretch, they scratch, they pound their gloves with a ball. I personally want to start an organization to fight the abuse of baseball gloves in this manner, but people always laugh when I say it.  Who knew people were so heartless?

Lather.  Rinse.  Repeat.

Finally, a guy leaves the dugout.  Oh boy.  We might see some action.  Please note that in a basketball game, by this time, there have been at least a few points made.  Probably by both sides.  Yes, I have ADD.  Baseball proves it.

So the guy grabs a bat.  Tosses it aside and grabs another one.  He then grabs another one.  Apparently, he can’t hit so he needs two to make sure he gets that ball.  Like the umpire won’t stop him.

Yep, he throws one aside.

He looks mad.  Can’t blame him.  Two bats are better than one I always say.  Maybe he’s got bad eyesight.  Probably.

So, he stands at the plate.  He shifts.  Raises the bat.  Shifts again.  The catcher scratches himself, and the pitcher nods.  He winds.  Spins.  He throws to second base.

WHY DID HE DO THAT!  The first ball hasn’t been hit yet!  Sheesh!

Lather.  Rinse.  Repeat.  Except for the second base part.

So then, finally… a ball passes the plate.  The guy didn’t swing.

“BALL”

Ok, at this point, we’ve been sitting in the stands for 45 minutes at the very least, the first pitch was twenty minutes ago, and we still haven’t even had a hit or a strike!

Finally, after two more balls and a strike, the guy hits the ball.

“FOUL BALL”

via GIPHY (thanks, folks!)

So, if you haven’t figured it all out yet (and if you haven’t, well…)

This is why I hate baseball.  It is the most tedious, boring, inane game to watch.  However, I will say, it is more fun to play.    Oh, and I love that seventh inning stretch!

Nelly Kelly the baseball dame
Knew the players knew all their names
You could see her there every day
Shout HORRAY while they play.

Her boyfriend by the name of Joe.
Said, “To Coney Isle, dear, we’ll go.”
Nelly started to fret and pout,
And to him I heard her shout, HEY!

Take me out to the ballgame
Take me out to the crowd
Buy me some peanuts and Cracker  Jacks (I thnk she was angling for a prize ring and a proposal myself)
I don’t care if I never get back.
Let me root, root, root for the home team.
If they don’t win it’s a shame.
For it’s one, two, three strikes you’re out…

At the old, ball game!

(this version from the MGM movie, Take Me Out to the Ballgame with Frank Sinatra & Gene Kelly)

That covers #1.  Baseball.  Next up: hot dogs

Yeah.  I’d love to blame heartburn or stomach trouble from that baseball game for my dislike of hotdogs, but it goes back WAY further than that.  Just never been a fan–not even of Oscar Meyer (my apologies to the company). Bratwurst?  YUM!  Polska Kielbasa.  Double Yum! Even a nice summer sausage.

hot dogHot dogs, not so much.  

My husband loves them. Well, if they are served “the way God intended” with only the bun, the dog, and ketchup.  If he’s in the mood to go exotic, he’ll do bun, dog, chili, and CHEESE. Whoa, Nellie! But, give him simple and sweet and he’s happy.

Me… on the occasion that I do eat one, I want mayo, mustard, ketchup, relish, onions, and anything else I can pile on that sucker.  Basically, let’s make sure we mask the flavor.  One notable exception.  My Chicago visit with Audrey included a trip to “Super Dog” or something like that–AFTER CLOSING.  She got them to open up and make a dog.  It was worth it.  GOOD dog.  Then again, I was starving, so I might have even liked…

Apple Pie!  *gag*

I like apples.  Sometimes.  Give me a crisp, juicy, slightly tart and slightly sweet apple, and I LOVE IT.  The problem is, most apples aren’t like that.

Especially in pie.

To be fair, I don’t like most of my fruit cooked.  Apples, peaches, pears, plums… not a fan.  Berries and cherries–totally different story.  Bring on the pies and cobblers, baby!  Except for strawberries.  Why?  Why would you do that to them?  Just… why?

Oh, and for the record, now and then I’ve been known to crave a hot dog.  Always shocks the fam.  You should know I’ve NEVER craved apple pie.  And if I ever do, I won’t tell them.  It would likely cause cardiac arrests across the board.

Or, they’d all drag me outside to one of the half-dozen vehicles in the Havig fleet and demand I pick one for a trip to the ER.  That would be easy.

You see, we have no Chevrolets. 

chevroletPart of me wants to say that’s because it’s a French name derived from the French word for goat.  And well, that would mean it’s all about people who raise goats.  I don’t want a goat cart. I want a car.

But it’s really just unjust prejudice. A Chevy Silverado crashed into our little Ford Ranchero when I was 9.

I’ve never forgiven Chevy since.  It’s not their fault, but who can comprehend the irrational ideas of children?

But really, I’d put hot dogs on the weekly menu rotation, bake and eat an apple pie every week, and my next car would be a Chevy Cruze if I could just be assured that I would never, ever, EVER have to endure another baseball game again.

So… who’s calling immigration to get me tossed out of the country?

Share95
Pin
Tweet
Email
96Shares
Share
Pin
Tweet
Email
96Shares

Related

Filed Under: General Information, Personal

Previous Post: « Why “All You Need” Is Brilliant & Annoying
Next Post: Who Are My Cheerleaders? These 7 Fabulous Folks »

Reader Interactions

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Or, you can subscribe without commenting.

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Comments

  1. Linda Molden says

    November 26, 2020 at 10:30 pm

    That was quite a line of dislikes!

    Reply
  2. Florence Wright says

    August 12, 2019 at 8:30 pm

    WOW!!! – BLAST IT!!! you got that jingle going through my head. Let me tell you, in the mid-late 70’s my family was ALL ABOUT BASEBALL. My Mom and I were always into the Red Sox, because my grammy and granddaddy lived in Massachusettes and my Grammy was a HUGE baseball fan! Seriously, my Grammy, the one I was named after, the one who I have inherited various qualities from … was a jock … I DID not inherit that quality. In the early 1900’s she was playing girls’ basketball. AND she was a huge fan of baseball. I learned all I know about baseball from her.
    ANYHOOOO … back to the ’70’s, my Dad decided to become a Yankees fan. UGH!! We never went to game, instead we sat and watched it on TV, with ads that had jingles rattling in our brains for days on end …. your favorite was one of them. You mock those long stretches of boredom, but I can tell you, I got tons of crocheting done during those times. LOL!!!! Now, my husband likes to watch complicated movies and TV shows that require that you keep your eyes on the screen, not much crocheting can happen under those circumstances 🙁
    Thanks for the memory … baseball, hot dogs, apple pie and chevrolet …..

    Reply
  3. Sunnie says

    August 12, 2019 at 7:19 pm

    If you have kids or grandkids that play and I do, you love it and go to every single game, hot, cold or windy weather. Yes, it’s a family thing for us. Years and years of tournaments, taking us to NY, Cooperstown and many places in between. Lots of wonderful memories!

    Reply
    • Chautona Havig says

      August 12, 2019 at 10:39 pm

      I’m so glad you enjoy it! I had one softball player. TORTURE. But I think it’s a family thing. My brother-in-law’s family were all about the games. My family was NOT. So… just whatever your culture, I suppose. Still, thrilled that others enjoy what I don’t. We’d be a boring world if everyone was exactly the same.

      Reply
  4. Alicia says

    June 10, 2017 at 3:01 pm

    I love baseball. Have no clue why, but I always have. I can totally understand every one of the reasons you listed. You really have to be in the right mood to sit in the stands. But I do watch games while I am reading. So I get to do two things I love.

    Apple pie, depends on who makes it. I have tasted some that were horrid and some homemade that just melt in your mouth. But I agree to the berry pie and cobblers. Then again, I am not a huge pie fan. Cheesecake, I love. Angel food or pound cake, even chocolate (within reason), are also biggies. Icing. Not my thing ever. Whipped cream or cheesecake icing…now we are talking.

    Hot dogs really have to be in the mood for them and I agree. A lot of stufff on them. Since I love baked beans, I will make them and add hotdog pieces in them so they basically taste like baked beans. It works. No bun, and then I don’t need all those toppings. LOL

    Chevy. Hmmm… I think my parents might have had one. If it is the one I am thinking of, well, it saved all our lives when I was just about to enter kindergarten. We were forced off the road by a woman passing us and suddenly a truck was coming and without looking came back into the proper lane. Except she hit the whole front panel of the car and luckily that was all she hit because it pushed the whole car into a ditch and we flipped at least once, if not twice, and the car landed on the roof. I remember this whole thing happening and I was trying to get out of my booster seat and somehow my dad got his hand up at the last minute and kept me from crossing over into the front and potentially out the windshield. I remember my mom turning quickly and saying stay bucklled and hold on. It is amazing what you can say in do in literally seconds. I also credit my dad. I don’t know how he kept us on the road for as long as he did in order to slow our speed knowing we would hit the ditch. When the ambulance and fire and rescue arrived they prepared themselves for finding four dead people. This was long before cell phones. We actually had to sneak out of the front window on the passenger side. I got a few bruises, my dad got a lot of chest bruises from the steering wheel (remember this was the time when you had the choice of wearing a shoulder belt and they would pull over and snap in). My mom sprained her ankle badly. When she turned to tell us to stay buckled, that was when the woman hit us. My sister was the most injured. We used to play with the shoulder belts, apparently, as phones or other things. Well the one on my dad’s side swung back and hit her at the very edge of her eye. A millimeter or less closer and she would have probably lost her eye or at least severely damaged it. After that we always had foreign cars with high safety ratings. So even though the Chevy (my mom did say it was one) saved our lives, or helped in doing so along with my dad and sheer luck, that was the last one we, as a family, or as individuals, ever owned that was American made.

    It is always interesting to learn about others likes and dislikes and why… 🙂

    Reply
    • Chautona Havig says

      June 11, 2017 at 1:50 pm

      You need to have my son’s key lime cheesecake. MMMM

      Reply
  5. Andrea Stoeckel says

    June 8, 2017 at 8:11 am

    Oh my Chautona?. ….[and, don’t tell anybody, I’m almost in step with except I do watch the score lists sometimes rooting for my Red Sox and their farm club, the PawSox] I have the easiest pie crust recipe, and can’t make a decent pie to save my life- remember I was a professional cook when you were a little one. Give me a good sausage over a hot dog any day, and we were an OLDS family….and I can;t drive anymore anyway

    Reply
    • Chautona Havig says

      June 8, 2017 at 9:15 am

      I make GREAT pies. I just don’t care for apple ones. I let the family eat them.

      Reply
  6. Courtney says

    June 7, 2017 at 12:42 pm

    You need to come visit St Louis and take in a vintage base ball (yes, two words) game. Played by 1860’s rules, it’s a hitter’s game so much more interesting to watch, plus no ungentlemanly behavior! (They could be fined a day’s wages!) Even better, come to Columbus, OH, over Labor Day weekend and take in the vintage base ball festival. This is base ball the way it was meant to be played! 🙂

    Reply
    • Chautona Havig says

      June 7, 2017 at 1:13 pm

      You know what? I’d like to see base ball I might enjoy that! Maybe.

      Reply
  7. Sarah McGraw says

    June 7, 2017 at 6:31 am

    NOT ME.
    I’m with you on all four points. L
    Going to a Cardinals game is not about the game. It’s about being in St. Louis and breathing my beloved Missouri air and doing something not-at-home as a kid.
    Oh. And that’s the first time I’ve ever heard that jingle.

    Reply
    • Chautona Havig says

      June 7, 2017 at 6:32 am

      How did you manage to miss that????

      Reply

Primary Sidebar

The Because Fiction Podcast

The Because Fiction Podcast
The Because Fiction Podcast

Taking the pulse of Christian fiction

Episode 264: A Chat with Romance Author, Sarah Monzon
byChautona Havig

Finally getting a chance to chat with Sarah Monzon was a total delight, and learning all about her latest release, All’s Fair in Love and Christmas was equally awesome.  My copy is here and waiting for me to dive into the battle of the celebrations!  EEEP! Listen in to see what that even means!

Note: I sound like I’m underwater. We heard it during our interview, but I couldn’t make it behave and couldn’t fix it. Sorry!

Note: links may be affiliate links that provide me with a small commission at no extra expense to you.

How Does an Intense Christmas Competition Lead to Love?

All’s Fair in Love and Christmas has so much going for it that I don’t know where to start! Fun mom who made our heroine’s childhood Christmases an international delight without ever leaving home?  Check!  Social anxiety adding to the stress of competing for a promotion?  Check?  Romcom hilarity?  Check, check?  And add to all that Sarah’s wonderful writing and delightful characterization?  I’m all in.

We also chatted about why she chose to write about a woman with social anxiety, her preferred reading methods, and some of my favorite books by her. For a refresher, those are The Isaac Project, 12 Days of Snowmen, and Book Nerds & Boyfriends (a collection of three novellas).

All’s Fair in Love and Christmas by Sarah Monzon

Two workplace rivals. One festive competition. And a romance that upends it all.

Every December two things are guaranteed for graphic designer Mackenzie Graham–Christmas celebrations and the annual promotion at her workplace. Those two things are by no means mutually exclusive. In fact, the better an employee is at harnessing the Christmas spirit, the more likely they’ll win the new job. With her social anxiety, Mackenzie never thought she’d be a contender in her company’s holiday competition, so how exactly has she found herself dueling her workplace crush with wrapping paper tubes and using tinsel as her weapon of choice for a much-needed raise?

Jeremy Fletcher’s life is meticulously planned out, including how to win this year’s promotion at work. Not only will the new position fulfill some of his career goals, but as a single guardian to his twin niece and nephew, he needs the salary increase to support his family. Jeremy has barely noticed Mackenzie Graham around the office, but now that she’s his rival, he can’t stop thinking about her. Her quirkiness intrigues him, and he’s afraid that if he can’t get his head on straight, the promotion isn’t the only thing he’ll end up losing to Mackenzie.

“Inspirational rom-com readers are going to love this one.”–BETHANY TURNER, bestselling author of The Do-Over

You can learn more about Sarah on her WEBSITE.  Also follow her on BookBub and GoodReads.

Like to listen on the go? You can find Because Fiction Podcast at:

  • Apple 
  • Castbox 
  • Google Play
  • Libsyn 
  • RSS
  • Spotify
  • Amazon
  • and more!
Episode 264: A Chat with Romance Author, Sarah Monzon
Episode 264: A Chat with Romance Author, Sarah Monzon
September 26, 2023
Chautona Havig
Episode 263: A Chat about The Love Script w/ Toni Shiloh
September 23, 2023
Chautona Havig
Episode 262: Chatting about The Legacy of Longdale Manor with Carrie Turansky
September 19, 2023
Chautona Havig
Episode 261: Chatting with Christian Youth Fiction Author, Candice Yamnitz
September 15, 2023
Chautona Havig
Episode 260: A Chat with Rachel Hauck
September 12, 2023
Chautona Havig
Episode 259: A Chat with Debut Author, Laura Conaway
September 8, 2023
Chautona Havig
Episode 258: A Louisiana Christmas to Remember
September 2, 2023
Chautona Havig
Episode 257: A Chat with Fantasy Author, N. Ford
September 1, 2023
Chautona Havig
Episode 256: A Chat about Summer in the Spotlight w/ Liz Johnson
August 29, 2023
Chautona Havig
Episode 255: A Chat about He Should Have Told the Bees
August 25, 2023
Chautona Havig
Search Results placeholder

Love Audio Books?

audio book ad

Check out the Sparrow Island novels. A tiny island with a lot of heart

independence islands series

Featured Books

A Ransomed Grete

A Ransomed Grete
Buy This Book Online
Buy from Amazon
Buy from Amazon Kindle
A Ransomed Grete
Buy now!

Twice Sold Tales

Twice Sold Tales
Buy This Book Online
Buy from Amazon
Buy from Amazon Kindle
Twice Sold Tales
Buy now!

Under the Hibiscus

Under the Hibiscus
Buy This Book Online
Buy from Amazon
Buy from Amazon Kindle
Under the Hibiscus
Buy now!

Upcoming Posts

Sorry - nothing planned yet!

Or just subscribe to the newsletter

Recent Blog Posts

  • How Does an Intense Christmas Competition Lead to Love?
  • How Many Lies Does It Take to Expose the Truth That Love Brings?
  • What Heart Issues Connect These Two Troubled Women Together?

I buy my stickers here! (affiliate)

Custom Stickers, Die Cut Stickers, Bumper Stickers - Sticker Mule
Reposted from @lisaphillipsbks Woot! Happy release Reposted from @lisaphillipsbks Woot! Happy release day, @lovereadwriterepeat
What are you reading tonight? #AmReading #MiddleG What are you reading tonight?
#AmReading 
#MiddleGradeFiction 
@julieandrews
Squeee! The Chosen Kids Saga. Book 3 is coming, bu Squeee! The Chosen Kids Saga. Book 3 is coming, but for now, these two will be part of the next #Bookstrings book.
Oh, and, "Me and my cousins "? I wouldn't have said that as a kid, much less now. Maybe it's time for bed! Snort!
@thechosenkidssaga 
#ChristFic
#MiddleGradeFiction
When a long-anticipated book arrives and you are o When a long-anticipated book arrives and you are on a tight deadline.
Aaaaakkkk
#AmWriting
#HistoricalChristianFiction
#AprilsPromise
Reposted from @celebratelit ONE MORE WEEK! ⁠ ⁠ Reposted from @celebratelit ONE MORE WEEK! ⁠
⁠
Just ONE MORE WEEK until the release of Tropical Target by Jennifer Pierce! Preorder now to get 30% off the paperback plus free shipping or the ebook for only $2.99. Don't wait, you only have one more week!⁠
⁠
Click on the publishing page in the linktree in our bio then the 30% off page in the menu! ⁠
⁠
⁠
#suamalieislands #celebratelit #christianfiction #contemporaryfiction #romance #christianromance #contemporaryromance #fiction #bookstagram #booklovers #bookloversofinstagram #readers #readersofinstagram #jenniferpierce #tropicaltarget
Reposted from @lisaphillipsbks As summer is coming Reposted from @lisaphillipsbks As summer is coming to a close, what better way to celebrate the changing of the seasons than with the Summer Heat: Christian Romantic Suspense Anthology?! 🍁 All 3 volumes are OUT NOW for a LIMITED TIME ⏰ Don't miss this unique collection of 12 novels by 12 authors! Because when these volumes are gone, they won't be coming back 😭 Check out my link in bio to find out more today!

🧡📖📱Stay With Me - Volume 1: Liz Bradford, Sara Blackard, Jennifer Pierce, Kari Trumbo
💙📖📱Through Every Danger - Volume 2: Lisa Phillips, Lynn Shannon, Michelle Aleckson, Rebecca Hemlock
💜📖📱Come What May - Volume 3: Emilie Haney, Cara Putman, Chautona Havig, Katy Lee

#staywithme #througheverydanger #comewhatmay #SummerReading2023 #summerreading #summerheatseries #avidreadersofchristianfiction #amazing #Amazing #deals #shopping #bookseries #bookshelf #christianauthorsofinstagram #firstresponderromance #newreleases #authorlisaphillips #ebooks #newbooks2023 #newbookalert #readerlove #christianromanticsuspense #christianfiction #romanticsuspenseseries
I love this book so much. And it wouldn't be an "A I love this book so much. And it wouldn't be an "Anne" story without Gilbert and Diana... meet Gage. He's not quite Gilbert, but he's got everything a Gilbert should have--including the ability to completely annoy Anne when he doesn't mean to. She's speaking to him here... barely.
Coming October 3 (I hope!)
#Bookstrings
#ClockTowerBound
#BerneIndiana
#BookishBooks
#ChristFic
#AmWriting
  • Home
  • Bookshelf
  • New & Coming
  • Blog
  • News!
  • Disclosure & Policies
  • Privacy Policy

Copyright © 2023 · Chautona Havig · All Rights Reserved · Coding by Gretchen Louise

Don't go before you grab your FREE short story collection!