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Chautona Havig

Chautona Havig

Using story to connect YOU to the Master Storyteller

The Best Marriage Advice We Got Accidentally

by Chautona Havig · 1 Comment

What is my best marriage advice and why did I choose it? Well, I have a story about that, too. I know this surprises you. via @chautonahavig

“You guys have something going for you.”

I don’t know if my fiance said “What’s that?” or just looked at him waiting to hear what our genius thing was, but he continued.

“You were friends first. You’ve got something to hold you together if the romance dies.”

Little did he know he was talking to the most unromantic guy on the planet who was marrying the most unromantic gal. But when Kevin told me what our friend had said, it resonated with me.  See, I really was marrying my best friend. Did I love him?  Definitely. Was I “in love” with him?

Well, I thought so.  Or, perhaps a better way to put it was that I didn’t realize you could “love” someone without being “in love” in the same way other people talk about it.

Hint: You can.  I found that out a couple of months later when my now, husband, broke my jaw in a car accident six weeks before our wedding. Yeah… we’re kind of weird.  Never could do anything the way we were supposed to.

Our friend just made a casual comment that day–a wistful one. But what I didn’t know is there was some serious advice under there.

The Best MArriage Advice We Got Accidentally

Note: links may be affiliate links that provide a small commission at no extra expense to me.

The Best Marriage Advice We Got…  Accidentally

I’ve thought a lot about it over the years, and it really was unintentional advice.  Be friends first (and that counts even after you’re married).

The thing is, I’ve had people teach me that my husband should be my “only” friend.  I disagree with that.  If I have to choose him over someone else?  No question. But while I’d argue that your spouse should probably be your best friend, having a girlfriend (or a guy friend for him) that you can go to now and then… Priceless.

Let’s face it.  Life fills you with a lot of junk.  If I dumped every bit of that junk on my husband in my attempt to sort through and process it, he’d get worn out.  I don’t want to pile all my junk on him until the poor guy is overtaxed with all my stuff.

Looking back over the last thirty-two years, I see a pattern wiser friends and the Lord have taught me.

First, I deal with issues between me and the Lord.

One of the most important things for me is to work out issues I’m having between just me and the Lord. I find most things are my problem, and if I can get over it without involving anyone else but the only One who is truly equipped to deal with my problems… the better.  So, if I have a bad attitude about someone, I take it to the Lord.  I talk myself down.  I ask myself:

  • Did he mean to dismiss my concerns?
  • Did she mean to treat my time as worth less than hers?
  • Did they intend to rebuke me for something I didn’t do?
  • Did she mean to make me feel like I can’t do anything right?

99% of the time?  The answer is no.  And when you know someone isn’t trying to “get your goat,” it’s easier to move along.  But if I’d dumped all that on Kevin?  Well, he’d have a lot of baggage to help me sort.  That’s just not right.

Second, I take things that might concern him to my husband.

If I can’t get past it, and it involves something he can help fix, I go to Kevin with it.  When we were first married, there were a couple of times I had to dump on him about family issues. Occasionally, it’s a friend and I need him to urge me to set up some kind of boundary. Once in a while, it’s just that I need someone to vent to who will tune it out when I’m done.  He does that well.  If it’s an issue with something at home, I’ll likely bring it to him.

Otherwise, I like to keep things that would weigh him (and therefore us) down off his plate, so to speak.

Everything else, I take to a trusted friend.

Once in a while, this might be my bad attitude about something in my life.  Other times, it’s a problem I need to solve.  The fact is that sometimes women “get” us in a way a guy can’t. They claim women talk up to as much as four times as much as men. I’ve seen studies that both support and refute this, but here’s the thing. In my personal life, I see a pattern.  Most wives I know say they talk more than their husbands. I know exceptions, of course.

But seriously. If I can unload a lot of those thoughts, ideas, frustrations, etc. on someone who gets me and doesn’t feel pressure to “fix it” for me like my husband wants to do… I’ll do it.

Am I advocating my process for everyone? Is THIS my marriage advice?

Nope.  Not at all.  Every wife knows what either is or isn’t best for her marriage.  If what isn’t best isn’t this, sure. Try it.  If what is best is not doing things this way… then don’t! But I do think that tiny bit of advice we accidentally got matters.

Keep your friendship with your husband alive.  Because our friend was right.  Sometimes all those warm fuzzies just don’t come out to play. But if you’re great friends with the man you call husband, well… you’ve got fertile soil to grow in.  And if you need help in the “How to wife” department, well, I recommend THIS book.

So why the marriage advice?

Today is the release of my second (technically third) Independence Islands book– Bookers on the Rocks.

Now, these books are supposed to be contemporary romance novels, but… well… this one ended up being more romantic women’s fiction. That might have something to do with the fact that my couple is married.  I mean, duh!

Tessa and Ross have been married for twenty-five years. They’re both happy, they don’t argue, no one is having an affair or even considering it, and yet…

Their marriage is on the rocks.

Tessa hates romance. Her idea of romance (like mine, actually) used to be dishes, dinner, and diapers–the triple D. The terrific trifecta.  The golden… yeah. You get the point.

In Bookers on the Rocks, I explored what would happen if “the way we’ve always been” just wasn’t enough anymore.  Was my point that every couple needs to infuse their lives with sappy romance?

Not hardly.

It was more that we don’t want to assume that just because things were great this way 20 years ago means it’ll always be great.  Sometimes, we need… more.  And I explored how that might look and what might prompt it.

Bookers on the Rocks is available… TODAY!

Bookers on the Rocks

Bookers on the Rocks

$9.99eBook: $4.99Audiobook: $12.95
Author: Chautona Havig
Series: Independence Island Series, Book 2
Tag: Romance

Book 2 of the Independence Islands Series, Bookers on the Rocks takes place on Elnora Island and is a twist on the "On the Rocks" romantic trope.

More info →
Buy This Book Online
Buy from Amazon Kindle
Bookers on the Rocks
Buy now!

I don’t know if you can see it, but um… Bookers is available in print, on kindle, and AUDIOBOOK!  SQUEE!  So excited.  It’ll take a couple of weeks for it to be available on Audible–they’re crawling with the approval process these days–but still. It’s ready and it’s SO perfect.  Christa DelSorbo is AMAZING.

And today is day one of seven celebrating the release.  Every author will have a day this week when they will share their best marriage advice. I just get to be first this time. 😀

 

To enter to win cool prizes, go from blog to blog each week. Every widget is different and offers different prizes.  Here’s the list:

  • Tuesday: Chautona Havig(that’s me! shocker, I know)
  • Wednesday: Melissa Wardwell
  • Thursday:  Kari Trumbo
  • Friday:  Rachel Skatvold
  • Saturday:  Tabitha Bouldin
  • Sunday:  Carolyn Miller
  • Monday:  Sandy Barela (Celebrate Lit Publishing)

Get those entries in!

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  1. So, you want to get married? - Melissa Wardwell says:
    February 4, 2021 at 4:33 am

    […] Chautona Havig – Jan 26 […]

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The Because Fiction Podcast

The Because Fiction Podcast
The Because Fiction Podcast

Taking the pulse of Christian fiction

Episode 204: A Chat with Sarah Sundin about The Sound of Light
byChautona Havig

A chat with Sarah Sundin is always fun, so when I learned we’d be discussing her upcoming release, The Sound of Light, last October, I was excited. Well… we chatted, and it’s finally time to share that interview. Listen in to what the title means, where Sarah came up with it, and the delightful story that she’s got waiting for us. I’m glad this episode came out in time for me to get the 40% off and free shipping deal from Baker because I apparently didn’t order it back when we chatted!

Note: links may be affiliate links that provide me with a small commission at no extra expense to you.

How I Fell in Love With This Haunting Title

I didn’t know much about Denmark and WWII, so chatting with Sarah about The Sound of Light shed definite light (no pun intended) on the history of the Danes and how they stood up to Hitler… and got away with it (for the most part).

The Sound of Light tells the story of a physicist who meets a “slow, dull” guy who intrigues her in spite of herself. Come on… if that doesn’t grab you… Maybe the fact that this slow dude is really an Olympic rower in disguise who uses his father’s company as a front for who he is and how he helps Jews escape?  Yeah. That.

As always, Sarah Sundin has done her research and the result is a gripping story of resistance, protection, and ultimately love for God, our fellow man, and maybe… each other.

I don’t know about you, but I can’t wait for my copy of The Sound of Light to arrive.

The Sound of Light by Sarah Sundin

When the Germans march into Denmark, Baron Henrik Ahlefeldt exchanges his nobility for anonymity, assuming a new identity so he can secretly row messages for the Danish Resistance across the waters to Sweden.

American physicist Dr. Else Jensen refuses to leave Copenhagen and abandon her research–her life’s dream. While printing resistance newspapers, she hears stories of the movement’s legendary Havmand–the merman–and wonders if the mysterious and silent shipyard worker living in the same boardinghouse has something to hide.

When the Occupation cracks down on the Danes, these two passionate people will discover if there is more power in speech . . . or in silence. Bestselling author of more than a dozen WWII novels, Sarah Sundin offers pens another story of ordinary people responding to extraordinary circumstances with faith, fortitude, and hope for a brighter future.

You can also grab this book from Baker Book House at 40% off with free shipping! (which is cheaper than the Kindle version!)

And you can learn more about Sarah Sundin on her WEBSITE.

Like to listen on the go? You can find Because Fiction Podcast at:

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Episode 204: A Chat with Sarah Sundin about The Sound of Light
Episode 204: A Chat with Sarah Sundin about The Sound of Light
January 31, 2023
Chautona Havig
Episode 203: A Chat with Heather Greer about Window of Opportunity
January 27, 2023
Chautona Havig
Episode 202: A Chat with Historical Christian Author, Laura Frantz
January 24, 2023
Chautona Havig
Episode 201: A Closer Look at This YA Dystopian Series
January 20, 2023
Chautona Havig
Episode 200: Comparing & Contrasting Two Split-Time Novels
January 17, 2023
Chautona Havig
Episode 199: A Chat about Karl May with Robert Stermscheg
January 13, 2023
Chautona Havig
Episode 198: A Chat about Everything Is Just Beginning with Erin Bartels
January 10, 2023
Chautona Havig
Episode 197: A Chat with Amish Author, Shelley Shepard Gray
January 6, 2023
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Episode 196: A Chat with Rom-Com Author by Becca Kinzer
January 3, 2023
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Episode 195: A Chat about What I Would Say with Liz Tolsma
December 23, 2022
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Welcome to Red Wing, Minnesota. Home of Hanisch's Welcome to Red Wing, Minnesota. Home of Hanisch's Bakery, Mandy's Cafe, the Uffda Shop, and Pepie the Lake Monster (who knew?)

Oh, and home to Twice Sold Tales, a charming bookstore in a charming town--but not for long.  Unless Milton arrives with his trusty parrotlet, Atticus (not Finch!), this local gem of a store may soon be out of print--so to speak.

Some might blame owner Harper Brevig. Let's face it. Her "bookside manner" isn't much to write home about (although I did write a book about it...). But no, she's making enough money, and she's not spending too much money (much to her disgust), so where's it going?

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Welcome to Red Wing, Minnesota. Home of Hanisch's Welcome to Red Wing, Minnesota. Home of Hanisch's Bakery, Mandy's Cafe, the Uffda Shop, and Pepie the Lake Monster (who knew?)

Oh, and home to Twice Sold Tales, a charming bookstore in a charming town--but not for long.  Unless Milton arrives with his trusty parrotlet, Atticus (not Finch!), this local gem of a store may soon be out of print--so to speak.

Some might blame owner Harper Brevig. Let's face it. Her "bookside manner" isn't much to write home about (although I did write a book about it...). But no, she's making enough money, and she's not spending too much money (much to her disgust), so where's it going?

Find out in Twice Sold Tales which is on tour with Celebrate Lit! Check out the blogs and enter to win a cool prize package with a book, one of "Pepie's babies," and other fun bookish goodies!
Links to more info in my bio!

#TheMosaicCollection
#Bookstrings
#TwiceSoldTales
#ChristFic
#BookishBooks
Reposted from @margueritemgray Come take a visit t Reposted from @margueritemgray Come take a visit to our newest set of islands – The Suamalie Islands! These islands are very different from the Independence Islands because they are touristy. Another way this series is different is we have added more authors. You will see some familiar Independence Islands authors but will also see some brand-new ones. Just like with our Independence Islands, each author will follow a type of business that goes across all the different islands.

There is a Giveaway of a $50 Amazon card to celebrate this new series. Enter January 28-February 5. https://promosimple.com/ps/245c3/suamalie-giveaway

Find out more about each book and author in the series by going to the publisher’s page: http://www.celebratelitpublishing.com/suamaliegiveaway/

#giveaway #suamalieislands #celebratelit
Welcome to Red Wing, Minnesota. Home of Hanisch's Welcome to Red Wing, Minnesota. Home of Hanisch's Bakery, Mandy's Cafe, the Uffda Shop, and Pepie the Lake Monster (who knew?)

Oh, and home to Twice Sold Tales, a charming bookstore in a charming town--but not for long.  Unless Milton arrives with his trusty parrotlet, Atticus (not Finch!), this local gem of a store may soon be out of print--so to speak.

Some might blame owner Harper Brevig. Let's face it. Her "bookside manner" isn't much to write home about (although I did write a book about it...). But no, she's making enough money, and she's not spending too much money (much to her disgust), so where's it going?

Find out in Twice Sold Tales which is on tour with Celebrate Lit! Check out the blogs and enter to win a cool prize package with a book, one of "Pepie's babies," and other fun bookish goodies!
Links to more info in my bio!

#TheMosaicCollection
#Bookstrings
#TwiceSoldTales
#ChristFic
#BookishBooks
Welcome to Red Wing, Minnesota. Home of Hanisch's Welcome to Red Wing, Minnesota. Home of Hanisch's Bakery, Mandy's Cafe, the Uffda Shop, and Pepie the Lake Monster (who knew?)

Oh, and home to Twice Sold Tales, a charming bookstore in a charming town--but not for long.  Unless Milton arrives with his trusty parrotlet, Atticus (not Finch!), this local gem of a store may soon be out of print--so to speak.

Some might blame owner Harper Brevig. Let's face it. Her "bookside manner" isn't much to write home about (although I did write a book about it...). But no, she's making enough money, and she's not spending too much money (much to her disgust), so where's it going?

Find out in Twice Sold Tales which is on tour with Celebrate Lit! Check out the blogs and enter to win a cool prize package with a book, one of "Pepie's babies," and other fun bookish goodies!
Links to more info in my bio!

#TheMosaicCollection
#Bookstrings
#TwiceSoldTales
#ChristFic
#BookishBooks
Reposted from @choosingjoynovels I may personally Reposted from @choosingjoynovels I may personally have been run into by a limb or two...

#funny #tree #blind #visuallyimpaired #blindauthor #authorsofinstagram #christianauthor #fictionauthor #historicalfictionauthor #romanticfiction #romancenovel
Welcome to Red Wing, Minnesota. Home of Hanisch's Welcome to Red Wing, Minnesota. Home of Hanisch's Bakery, Mandy's Cafe, the Uffda Shop, and Pepie the Lake Monster (who knew?)

Oh, and home to Twice Sold Tales, a charming bookstore in a charming town--but not for long.  Unless Milton arrives with his trusty parrotlet, Atticus (not Finch!), this local gem of a store may soon be out of print--so to speak.

Some might blame owner Harper Brevig. Let's face it. Her "bookside manner" isn't much to write home about (although I did write a book about it...). But no, she's making enough money, and she's not spending too much money (much to her disgust), so where's it going?

Find out in Twice Sold Tales which is on tour with Celebrate Lit! Check out the blogs and enter to win a cool prize package with a book, one of "Pepie's babies," and other fun bookish goodies!
Links to more info in my bio!

#TheMosaicCollection
#Bookstrings
#TwiceSoldTales
#ChristFic
#BookishBooks
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