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Chautona Havig

Chautona Havig

Using story to connect YOU to the Master Storyteller

How to Avoid Paper Cuts in 3 Simple Steps

by Chautona Havig · 4 Comments

Bad Things, Small Packages--that's about right. I mean, paper cuts are bad things--very small, very bad things. Especially when plural. Find out why! via @chautonahavig

The next message in our Facebook conversation prompted a grin. She wrote, “I’m working on Bad Things, Small Packages, and I’ve got to go write a scene—paperwork for Brent.”

“Make sure you give him a paper cut.”

“I will.”

A second later, I added, “Make it two—with that much paperwork, he’d get two.”

Or, at least that’s how I imagine it. I don’t actually remember the conversation. Okay, let me back up a bit.

Yesterday, I finished Bad Things, Small Packages. I was reading on Kindle Unlimited, so I always make sure to flip to the very end of the book. The author gets maximum payment that way. And considering payment is like .004 cents a page, I want her to get every fraction of a penny she can. (and I didn’t buy them for Kindle because I’ve got an order in for a signed paperback set.)

It appeared. The acknowledgments. First came a few names I didn’t know, followed by a few I did. I swiped left, and there it was. Reading something like, “To Chautona Havig for the double paper cut,” or close enough for government work. I didn’t have a clue what she meant.

So, I did what any cool, sophisticated, and super-smart author does. Okay, I did what any confused, sleep-deprived reader does. I asked. And then she told me about that conversation—one that is vaguely familiar now. Vaguely.

the accidental cases of Emily Abbott bad things small packages

Something else fun and cool happened in Bad Things, Small Packages.

Remember how in THIS REVIEW I mentioned it was kind of like Get Smart? Well, she references it in this book. I felt downright smartical.

This book (and the rest of the series) has what every good cheesy spy novel should—gadgets, codes, an arch-nemesis… and even a lair!

And of course—lots of trouble. Great, heaping gobs of trouble.

Still, between car chases, explosions, and bomb threats, it can be a dangerous business—especially with those paper cuts. In fact, I’ve got advice for Brent on how to avoid them suckers.

How to Avoid Paper Cuts in 3 Simple Steps bad things small packages

Note: links may be affiliate links that provide me with a small commission at no extra expense to you.

How to Avoid Paper Cuts in 3 Simple Steps

  1. Don’t pull the gun until you know who needs to be on the other end of it.
  2. Adopt a hobby that creates tough callouses on your fingers.
  3. If you can’t avoid filling out a ream of paperwork, wear latex gloves while you do. They’ll be shredded by the time you’re done, but your hands should come out relatively unscathed—unless you’re allergic to latex. Bonus hint: if you’re allergic to latex, get yourself tested for allergies to bananas, kiwi, chestnuts, and avocados.

Of course, that’s just for spies. For book lovers, read on Kindle. You might get carpal tunnel syndrome from all that finger swiping, but you won’t get paper cuts.

I know this doesn’t have anything to do with the actual review of the book, but I had to share it. After all, I’m responsible for some serious paper-cuttage.

And that doesn’t tell you what I actually thought of Bad Things, Small Packages—not really.

I loved that you can now see the ties each book is creating to the others without once feeling like you didn’t get a complete story. Once you read it, you’ll understand why I hated that I didn’t get any of that chicken soup. I laughed like nobody’s business at cat lady, and I could have cried when Emily and Brent missed something right in front of their faces. ( I also loved that part, so… take it for what it’s worth!)

binge: signed, sealed, delivered bad things small packagesI still recommend The Accidental Cases of Emily Abbott series for people who don’t take themselves or their fiction too seriously. This series does for spy novels what Signed, Sealed, Delivered did for the Dead Letter Office. Maybe it’s not totally realistic, but it’s totally enjoyable. Step into whimsy and buckle up! You’re in for a ride.

Oh, and stay tuned for tomorrow and Emily undercover as… Mary Poppins! Sorta.

Bad things small packagesTitle: Bad Things, Small Packages

Author: Perry Kirkpatrick

Synopsis: Head colds are bad… but the contents of the memory card are worse.

Emily has planned a quiet, restful evening at home, hoping to ward off the sniffles that might make her miss work. But the microSD card Brent stashed on her car is making more trouble than either of them expected. Getting it out of Phoenix and to the decryption genius before it self-destructs is going to take both of them.

But someone is after them and the card, and Emily discovers an eerie connection to her first accidental mission. To make matters worse, ICS is in danger and someone’s looking for Emily.

It’s going to be a long night.

The Accidental Cases of Emily Abbott is a series of clean spy-comedies set in Phoenix, Arizona.

1. Red Rover, Red Rover – (Review HERE)
2. Plan to Fail – (Review HERE) 
3. Bad Things, Small Packages –
4. Tutor, Nanny, Spit-up, Spy – (Review HERE)
5. A-Spying We Will Go – (Review HERE)
6. Once Upon a Dime – August 26, 2019  (Review coming)

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Comments

  1. Joy Hunt says

    July 17, 2019 at 6:21 pm

    Yes, please. Just sent myself a Kindle sample.

    Reply
  2. Lila Diller says

    July 17, 2019 at 7:54 am

    Oh, and I forgot to ask: Can these be read as standalones, or do they need to be read in order?

    Reply
    • Chautona Havig says

      July 17, 2019 at 3:10 pm

      I would definitely read in order. I think it’s going to be important. She does keep you up to date on anything that might be relevant to the story, so you COULD jump in, but I think you’d miss the fun growth of a friendship and the background to what you wouldn’t know were inside jokes unless you had been reading in order.

      Reply
  3. Lila Diller says

    July 17, 2019 at 7:52 am

    You’re so hilarious!! I love this so much it actually makes me want to read this, and I never read mysteries!! 🙂

    Reply

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The Because Fiction Podcast

The Because Fiction Podcast
The Because Fiction Podcast

Taking the pulse of Christian fiction

Episode 215: A Chat with Henry O. Arnold
byChautona Havig

I had a chat with actor and author Henry O. Arnold a while back, and boy did we have a lot of fun. His Song of Prophets and Kings series features the advent of Israel’s kings from Samuel’s birth through David hiding from Saul (so far) and onward. Listen in as we chat about his most recent release, The Singer of Israel.

 

note: links may be affiliate links that provide me with a small commission at no extra expense to you.

What Made David Such a Man after God’s Heart?

I think this series will show us. I love that Henry O. Arnold started back at Samuel’s story to prepare us for the story of arguably the most influential king of Israel. Yes, Solomon was the wisest and richest, but David offered something that Solomon didn’t have. He was an average guy—a shepherd, no less—chosen by God to lead his country.

In a sense, it’s kind of the ancient Jewish version of a poor, everyday guy growing up to become President of the United States. If you know what I mean.

This five-book series is available as an eBook, in print, and as an audiobook, too! Henry read a snippet of it to us, and boy you get a feel for his love of Scripture and God’s people as he reads.

And if that wasn’t enough, he even gave us a hint of his upcoming Christian suspense/thriller “series. He says he has two books planned for sure, so… at least a duology, but maybe we can talk him into a trilogy at least? Get those odd numbers and everything?

The Singer of Israel by Henry O. Arnold

A singer’s voice inspires a troubled nation…A shepherd’s courage vanquishes a giant

The last official act of the prophet of Yahweh was to secretly anoint a replacement for the king of Israel who has been brought low by an unbalanced mind. The great prophet of Israel lives in fear of the wrath of the king. Then out of the hills of Bethlehem emerges the last-born son of a family of shepherds to become the unforeseen hero of Israel.

When David sings of the glory of Yahweh, this shepherd wins the hearts of the royal family and restores King Saul’s troubled mind. But when the singer/shepherd defeats the champion of the Philistines in single combat, David becomes forever known as “the giant slayer.” Saul quickly sees that David is now a threat to his kingdom and secretly plots to have him killed.

David may be the champion of the people of Israel, but he must live under the constant threat of Saul’s wrath until he is finally forced to flee for his life.

The Singer of Israel is a tale of triumph and tribulation, deepest love, and burning rivalries; the new epoch is given a voice…and it is The Song of Prophets and Kings.

You can learn more about Henry on this WEBSITE.

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Episode 215: A Chat with Henry O. Arnold
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