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Chautona Havig

Chautona Havig

Using story to connect YOU to the Master Storyteller

How to Avoid Paper Cuts in 3 Simple Steps

by Chautona Havig · 4 Comments

Bad Things, Small Packages--that's about right. I mean, paper cuts are bad things--very small, very bad things. Especially when plural. Find out why! via @chautonahavig

The next message in our Facebook conversation prompted a grin. She wrote, “I’m working on Bad Things, Small Packages, and I’ve got to go write a scene—paperwork for Brent.”

“Make sure you give him a paper cut.”

“I will.”

A second later, I added, “Make it two—with that much paperwork, he’d get two.”

Or, at least that’s how I imagine it. I don’t actually remember the conversation. Okay, let me back up a bit.

Yesterday, I finished Bad Things, Small Packages. I was reading on Kindle Unlimited, so I always make sure to flip to the very end of the book. The author gets maximum payment that way. And considering payment is like .004 cents a page, I want her to get every fraction of a penny she can. (and I didn’t buy them for Kindle because I’ve got an order in for a signed paperback set.)

It appeared. The acknowledgments. First came a few names I didn’t know, followed by a few I did. I swiped left, and there it was. Reading something like, “To Chautona Havig for the double paper cut,” or close enough for government work. I didn’t have a clue what she meant.

So, I did what any cool, sophisticated, and super-smart author does. Okay, I did what any confused, sleep-deprived reader does. I asked. And then she told me about that conversation—one that is vaguely familiar now. Vaguely.

the accidental cases of Emily Abbott bad things small packages

Something else fun and cool happened in Bad Things, Small Packages.

Remember how in THIS REVIEW I mentioned it was kind of like Get Smart? Well, she references it in this book. I felt downright smartical.

This book (and the rest of the series) has what every good cheesy spy novel should—gadgets, codes, an arch-nemesis… and even a lair!

And of course—lots of trouble. Great, heaping gobs of trouble.

Still, between car chases, explosions, and bomb threats, it can be a dangerous business—especially with those paper cuts. In fact, I’ve got advice for Brent on how to avoid them suckers.

How to Avoid Paper Cuts in 3 Simple Steps bad things small packages

Note: links may be affiliate links that provide me with a small commission at no extra expense to you.

How to Avoid Paper Cuts in 3 Simple Steps

  1. Don’t pull the gun until you know who needs to be on the other end of it.
  2. Adopt a hobby that creates tough callouses on your fingers.
  3. If you can’t avoid filling out a ream of paperwork, wear latex gloves while you do. They’ll be shredded by the time you’re done, but your hands should come out relatively unscathed—unless you’re allergic to latex. Bonus hint: if you’re allergic to latex, get yourself tested for allergies to bananas, kiwi, chestnuts, and avocados.

Of course, that’s just for spies. For book lovers, read on Kindle. You might get carpal tunnel syndrome from all that finger swiping, but you won’t get paper cuts.

I know this doesn’t have anything to do with the actual review of the book, but I had to share it. After all, I’m responsible for some serious paper-cuttage.

And that doesn’t tell you what I actually thought of Bad Things, Small Packages—not really.

I loved that you can now see the ties each book is creating to the others without once feeling like you didn’t get a complete story. Once you read it, you’ll understand why I hated that I didn’t get any of that chicken soup. I laughed like nobody’s business at cat lady, and I could have cried when Emily and Brent missed something right in front of their faces. ( I also loved that part, so… take it for what it’s worth!)

binge: signed, sealed, delivered bad things small packagesI still recommend The Accidental Cases of Emily Abbott series for people who don’t take themselves or their fiction too seriously. This series does for spy novels what Signed, Sealed, Delivered did for the Dead Letter Office. Maybe it’s not totally realistic, but it’s totally enjoyable. Step into whimsy and buckle up! You’re in for a ride.

Oh, and stay tuned for tomorrow and Emily undercover as… Mary Poppins! Sorta.

Bad things small packagesTitle: Bad Things, Small Packages

Author: Perry Kirkpatrick

Synopsis: Head colds are bad… but the contents of the memory card are worse.

Emily has planned a quiet, restful evening at home, hoping to ward off the sniffles that might make her miss work. But the microSD card Brent stashed on her car is making more trouble than either of them expected. Getting it out of Phoenix and to the decryption genius before it self-destructs is going to take both of them.

But someone is after them and the card, and Emily discovers an eerie connection to her first accidental mission. To make matters worse, ICS is in danger and someone’s looking for Emily.

It’s going to be a long night.

The Accidental Cases of Emily Abbott is a series of clean spy-comedies set in Phoenix, Arizona.

1. Red Rover, Red Rover – (Review HERE)
2. Plan to Fail – (Review HERE) 
3. Bad Things, Small Packages –
4. Tutor, Nanny, Spit-up, Spy – (Review HERE)
5. A-Spying We Will Go – (Review HERE)
6. Once Upon a Dime – August 26, 2019  (Review coming)

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Comments

  1. Joy Hunt says

    July 17, 2019 at 6:21 pm

    Yes, please. Just sent myself a Kindle sample.

    Reply
  2. Lila Diller says

    July 17, 2019 at 7:54 am

    Oh, and I forgot to ask: Can these be read as standalones, or do they need to be read in order?

    Reply
    • Chautona Havig says

      July 17, 2019 at 3:10 pm

      I would definitely read in order. I think it’s going to be important. She does keep you up to date on anything that might be relevant to the story, so you COULD jump in, but I think you’d miss the fun growth of a friendship and the background to what you wouldn’t know were inside jokes unless you had been reading in order.

      Reply
  3. Lila Diller says

    July 17, 2019 at 7:52 am

    You’re so hilarious!! I love this so much it actually makes me want to read this, and I never read mysteries!! 🙂

    Reply

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The Because Fiction Podcast

The Because Fiction Podcast
The Because Fiction Podcast

Taking the pulse of Christian fiction

Episode 155: Chatting with Heather Day Gilbert & Jen Cudmore
byChautona Havig

To Love a Viking by Heather Day Gilbert and Jen Cudmore has been released, and I got to chat with them about it last week. Guys, this series!  If the Christian influence on Viking history isn’t enough, what about adventure, fight scenes, and romance that won’t make you blush? How about that a damsel is in distress and… gets rescued by another woman instead of the stereotypical DUDE! Listen in!

Note: links may be affiliate links that provide me with a small commission at no extra expense to you.

Are You Ready for an Exciting New Viking Series from 2 Great Authors?

 

One of the biggest surprises I recall from researching books by different authors was that the cozy mystery and suspense author I liked and respected, Heather Day Gilbert, had also written historical Viking books! I made the erroneous assumption that they were romance and skipped them (for the time being… I knew I’d read them some day), and then something happened.

A few months ago, I saw this cover.  With Heather’s name on it.  And some other gal I hadn’t heard of–Jen Cudmore.  What is this deliciousness?  The cover was AMAZING… not stereotypical nor was it inauthentic.  It was just GOOD (not to mention gorgeous) and with the Celtic frame (the Vikings did go over to Scotland/Ireland after all), I just felt like it hit all the sweet spots.

Well… the book is here, folks.  And I’ve got a copy in my hot little hands.  No, really. It’s July. And I live in the desert.  My hands are totally hot and in totally all the wrong ways. Just throwin’ that out there.

Anyway, Heather and Jen chatted with me about To Love a Viking, and oh my!  This book sounds fabulous. We know Viking women were strong. Even those that weren’t warriors had to survive Nordic winters. Ergo, strong.  But what about strong enough to build a new society with people they’d once fought against. Oh, and rescue a damsel in distress #BecauseYeah!

I’m ready to dive in to To Love a Viking myself, and I hope you’ll grab a copy, too. It promises to be incredible.

To Love a Viking by Heather Day Gilbert and Jen Cudmore

Get swept up in an enthralling new romance series featuring women who rule the hearts of Viking men.

ELLISIF Forced into a financially advantageous marriage that spirals into a nightmare, Ellisif cannot help but imagine what might have been and ache for what was lost. The only lights in her life are her daughters and the friendships she’s forged with the household servants.

Though seven years have passed since Ellisif wed another man, Dagar still cannot forget the woman who captured his youthful heart. As the Viking warrior battles for his country’s future, he finds himself entangled in a personal war for Ellisif’s freedom that could cost his family their reputation and standing with the king. If he risks all, can he save the woman whose face still haunts his dreams? And if given another chance, will she choose him?

INARA Escaped slave Inara is determined to start a new life. Under the guidance of warrior and shipbuilder Håkon, her sword skill grows, as does her confidence that the Viking men will accept her as a warrior in her own right.

When she is selected to lead a perilous rescue mission to protect Ellisif, Inara finds herself blindsided by feelings for Håkon…and by threats to her freedom far closer than she feared. As dreams and desires collide, she wrestles against the lies holding her captive. Can she conquer her doubts before all that she’s hoped for slips from her hands?

Written by award-winning historical author Heather Day Gilbert and fresh voice Jen Cudmore, two love stories entwine in this sweeping Viking-era romance, the first novel in the Tavland Vikings series.

You can find out more about the series and the authors on Heather’s WEBSITE.

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Episode 155: Chatting with Heather Day Gilbert & Jen Cudmore
Episode 155: Chatting with Heather Day Gilbert & Jen Cudmore
July 1, 2022
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Episode 154: A Chat with Romantic Suspense Author, Sami A. Abrams
June 28, 2022
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Episode 153: A Chat with Historical Author, Tracie Peterson
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Episode 152: A Chat with Contemporary Romance Author, Amy Anguish
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Episode 151: A Chat with Christian Romance Author, Carrie Padgett
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Episode 150: A Chat with Mystery/Thriller Author, Steven C Harms
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Episode 149: A Chat with Jennifer Sienes about Night Songs (and more!)
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Episode 148: A Chat with Author, James R. Hannibal
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Episode 147: A Chat with Biblical Fiction Author, Jubilee Lipsey
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Episode 146: A Chat about The Sweet Life by Suzanne Woods Fisher
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