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Chautona Havig

Chautona Havig

Using story to connect YOU to the Master Storyteller

How Do You Comfort the Horror of Child Death?

by Chautona Havig · 7 Comments

A Precious Loss tackles a tough topic in the attempt to encourage parents after the loss of a child. But does it provide what parents need most? via @chautonahavig

They knocked on the door just as I awoke from a nap–two women from my church.  One carried a ceramic teddy bear they’d both worked on. The other woman gave me a sympathetic smile and attempted to offer verbal comfort. “Perhaps the Lord was telling you that you have enough children already.”

You’d think I had five sets of twins or something.  Instead, I was in the middle of a miscarriage. Baby four.

Seriously, the most loving and well-meaning words those two women could come up with were also the cruelest to me at that moment.  I wanted to tell them exactly what I thought of their so-called sympathy.

I just couldn’t do it.  Because you see, they meant it. They grieved with me even as they wounded me.

Look, people don’t know how to deal with loss.  I’ve said it a dozen times in various books, but I firmly believe we weren’t designed to deal with death.  We were created for a perfect, death-free world. We messed up that plan, and now it’s harder on us than we could ever have imagined.

I learned my first lessons in how to deal with grief when someone said the wrong thing.

My next lessons came when a dear friend’s husband died while she was pregnant with their fourth child.  My friend told me, “Just say you’re sorry and that you can help by doing…” She offered a weak smile as if realizing it sounded like she was demanding help herself. “–whatever it is you can do.”

Everyone handles grief differently, but there’s something about the loss of a child–preborn or one who is fifty and dies before his parent that holds an extra measure of pain and difficulty.  What do you say?

When I received a free review copy of A Precious Loss, I hoped to learn more than just “what not to say” which is where I’ve hung out for the past twenty-seven years.  Just hanging around in the “What don’t you say” camp and hoping to master THAT.

How Do You Comfort the Horror of Child Death? a precious loss

Note: affiliate links are scattered throughout this blog post. I receive a small commission from purchases from those links, but they don’t cost you anything extra. Additionally, I requested and received a free ARC of the book and chose to review it.

How Do You Comfort the Horror of Child Death?

It’s my opinion that you really can’t.  However, I do believe you can try, and I believe that trying means something to the one grieving.

That said, I know that this is just my opinion. Everyone comes at the topic of grief from a different perspective, and we all offer our own experiences mingled with personal preferences in what we offer.

I think perhaps that’s why A Precious Loss is so encouraging to many other readers and yet fell flat for me.  It’s just a personality thing. While the book was well written and edited, the content read very clinical and almost like one of those pamphlets you might get from a doctor’s waiting room or the hospital when you go home after birth (or loss).

It’s not that the content itself is horrible. Rather, I found the presentation of it written in a rather authoritative, almost demanding tone.  “Talk out your grief.  Do this.  Think that.  Go here.  Don’t do that.”

I’ve made that rather simplistic, and the author isn’t that harsh, but the sections and advice still do come off very much like that.

One strength the book offers is how short it is.  The last thing grieving parents need is a tome to wade through when all they want is someone to tell them it’s okay to grieve. It’s not crazy to miss a child they never held, and it’s okay to feel guilty for wanting to try to have another baby right away or to never get pregnant again. Ever.

In the end, I’m sure there are many people for whom this book would be encouraging and a balm to aching hearts. I recommend it especially for church libraries where people can thumb through to see if it’ll be a good fit.

A Precious Loss 

A Precious LossAbout the Book

Book: A Precious Loss

Author: Sharon Fox

Genre: RELIGION / Christian Living / Death, Grief, Bereavement

Release Date: July 8, 2016

Losing a child is the worst tragedy a parent can experience. And yet it happens to many from various causes, including Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS), death from illness, stillborn birth, or miscarriage. A Precious Loss offers those who have experienced such a death a window into the grief process. It presents the biblical grief model and the emotions to expect after a loss, and it includes the steps to move forward toward peace and contentment. 

While each parent’s experience is unique, this book is written with deep insight and strong compassion. It provides grieving parents with: 

·         Concrete steps to coping and recovery, including how to care for your health and your relationships and how to cope with emotions and behaviors you can expect to experience 

·         Biblical support for finding comfort and hope in your darkest hours

Recognition of the hard questions you may have, such as these: 

·                     Why me? 

·                     Was this my fault? 

·                     Is someone to blame? 

Furthermore,

·                     Is this some sort of punishment for things I did or did not do? 

·                     Is there a purpose for my child’s death? 

·                     Can I trust God? 

If you or a loved one is grappling with the devastating loss of a child, this book will provide hope and encouragement to press on, knowing that God will sustain you through this painful experience.

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Comments

  1. Linda Palmer says

    November 30, 2019 at 9:35 pm

    I can relate to the things people say to someone who is grieving the loss of a child. No one wants to hear that probably there was something wrong with the baby and that’s the reason for the miscarriage.

    Reply
  2. Melissa Wenger says

    November 30, 2019 at 6:48 pm

    Thankfully I’ve never faced this type of loss. It’s such a tough topic to “digest”.

    Reply
  3. Heather C. says

    November 30, 2019 at 6:10 am

    Thanks for your honest review, and I agree with you. The last thing anyone wants to hear or be told is how to feel especially after something as tragic as child loss. =(

    Reply
  4. James Robert says

    November 30, 2019 at 12:55 am

    Thank you so much for taking time to bring to our attention another great read. I enjoy these tours and finding out about many terrific books.

    Reply
  5. Amelia says

    November 29, 2019 at 7:10 pm

    Thank you for sharing.

    Reply
  6. Debbie P says

    November 29, 2019 at 3:44 pm

    This sounds like a great book about a tough subject.

    Reply
  7. Emma says

    November 29, 2019 at 12:09 pm

    I didn’t sign up for this tour because I knew I couldn’t handle reading it. We learned a lot about grieving through our loss. For us, it helped to talk about it over and over and over. Having people come to help was so good, too. We had wonderful friends who dropped everything and came to spend a day and just do what needed done and help us figure out what to do when we couldn’t think.

    Reply

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The Because Fiction Podcast

The Because Fiction Podcast
The Because Fiction Podcast

Taking the pulse of Christian fiction

Episode 215: A Chat with Henry O. Arnold
byChautona Havig

I had a chat with actor and author Henry O. Arnold a while back, and boy did we have a lot of fun. His Song of Prophets and Kings series features the advent of Israel’s kings from Samuel’s birth through David hiding from Saul (so far) and onward. Listen in as we chat about his most recent release, The Singer of Israel.

 

note: links may be affiliate links that provide me with a small commission at no extra expense to you.

What Made David Such a Man after God’s Heart?

I think this series will show us. I love that Henry O. Arnold started back at Samuel’s story to prepare us for the story of arguably the most influential king of Israel. Yes, Solomon was the wisest and richest, but David offered something that Solomon didn’t have. He was an average guy—a shepherd, no less—chosen by God to lead his country.

In a sense, it’s kind of the ancient Jewish version of a poor, everyday guy growing up to become President of the United States. If you know what I mean.

This five-book series is available as an eBook, in print, and as an audiobook, too! Henry read a snippet of it to us, and boy you get a feel for his love of Scripture and God’s people as he reads.

And if that wasn’t enough, he even gave us a hint of his upcoming Christian suspense/thriller “series. He says he has two books planned for sure, so… at least a duology, but maybe we can talk him into a trilogy at least? Get those odd numbers and everything?

The Singer of Israel by Henry O. Arnold

A singer’s voice inspires a troubled nation…A shepherd’s courage vanquishes a giant

The last official act of the prophet of Yahweh was to secretly anoint a replacement for the king of Israel who has been brought low by an unbalanced mind. The great prophet of Israel lives in fear of the wrath of the king. Then out of the hills of Bethlehem emerges the last-born son of a family of shepherds to become the unforeseen hero of Israel.

When David sings of the glory of Yahweh, this shepherd wins the hearts of the royal family and restores King Saul’s troubled mind. But when the singer/shepherd defeats the champion of the Philistines in single combat, David becomes forever known as “the giant slayer.” Saul quickly sees that David is now a threat to his kingdom and secretly plots to have him killed.

David may be the champion of the people of Israel, but he must live under the constant threat of Saul’s wrath until he is finally forced to flee for his life.

The Singer of Israel is a tale of triumph and tribulation, deepest love, and burning rivalries; the new epoch is given a voice…and it is The Song of Prophets and Kings.

You can learn more about Henry on this WEBSITE.

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