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Chautona Havig

Chautona Havig

Using story to connect YOU to the Master Storyteller

How Do You Comfort the Horror of Child Death?

by Chautona Havig · 7 Comments

A Precious Loss tackles a tough topic in the attempt to encourage parents after the loss of a child. But does it provide what parents need most? via @chautonahavig

They knocked on the door just as I awoke from a nap–two women from my church.  One carried a ceramic teddy bear they’d both worked on. The other woman gave me a sympathetic smile and attempted to offer verbal comfort. “Perhaps the Lord was telling you that you have enough children already.”

You’d think I had five sets of twins or something.  Instead, I was in the middle of a miscarriage. Baby four.

Seriously, the most loving and well-meaning words those two women could come up with were also the cruelest to me at that moment.  I wanted to tell them exactly what I thought of their so-called sympathy.

I just couldn’t do it.  Because you see, they meant it. They grieved with me even as they wounded me.

Look, people don’t know how to deal with loss.  I’ve said it a dozen times in various books, but I firmly believe we weren’t designed to deal with death.  We were created for a perfect, death-free world. We messed up that plan, and now it’s harder on us than we could ever have imagined.

I learned my first lessons in how to deal with grief when someone said the wrong thing.

My next lessons came when a dear friend’s husband died while she was pregnant with their fourth child.  My friend told me, “Just say you’re sorry and that you can help by doing…” She offered a weak smile as if realizing it sounded like she was demanding help herself. “–whatever it is you can do.”

Everyone handles grief differently, but there’s something about the loss of a child–preborn or one who is fifty and dies before his parent that holds an extra measure of pain and difficulty.  What do you say?

When I received a free review copy of A Precious Loss, I hoped to learn more than just “what not to say” which is where I’ve hung out for the past twenty-seven years.  Just hanging around in the “What don’t you say” camp and hoping to master THAT.

How Do You Comfort the Horror of Child Death? a precious loss

Note: affiliate links are scattered throughout this blog post. I receive a small commission from purchases from those links, but they don’t cost you anything extra. Additionally, I requested and received a free ARC of the book and chose to review it.

How Do You Comfort the Horror of Child Death?

It’s my opinion that you really can’t.  However, I do believe you can try, and I believe that trying means something to the one grieving.

That said, I know that this is just my opinion. Everyone comes at the topic of grief from a different perspective, and we all offer our own experiences mingled with personal preferences in what we offer.

I think perhaps that’s why A Precious Loss is so encouraging to many other readers and yet fell flat for me.  It’s just a personality thing. While the book was well written and edited, the content read very clinical and almost like one of those pamphlets you might get from a doctor’s waiting room or the hospital when you go home after birth (or loss).

It’s not that the content itself is horrible. Rather, I found the presentation of it written in a rather authoritative, almost demanding tone.  “Talk out your grief.  Do this.  Think that.  Go here.  Don’t do that.”

I’ve made that rather simplistic, and the author isn’t that harsh, but the sections and advice still do come off very much like that.

One strength the book offers is how short it is.  The last thing grieving parents need is a tome to wade through when all they want is someone to tell them it’s okay to grieve. It’s not crazy to miss a child they never held, and it’s okay to feel guilty for wanting to try to have another baby right away or to never get pregnant again. Ever.

In the end, I’m sure there are many people for whom this book would be encouraging and a balm to aching hearts. I recommend it especially for church libraries where people can thumb through to see if it’ll be a good fit.

A Precious Loss 

A Precious LossAbout the Book

Book: A Precious Loss

Author: Sharon Fox

Genre: RELIGION / Christian Living / Death, Grief, Bereavement

Release Date: July 8, 2016

Losing a child is the worst tragedy a parent can experience. And yet it happens to many from various causes, including Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS), death from illness, stillborn birth, or miscarriage. A Precious Loss offers those who have experienced such a death a window into the grief process. It presents the biblical grief model and the emotions to expect after a loss, and it includes the steps to move forward toward peace and contentment. 

While each parent’s experience is unique, this book is written with deep insight and strong compassion. It provides grieving parents with: 

·         Concrete steps to coping and recovery, including how to care for your health and your relationships and how to cope with emotions and behaviors you can expect to experience 

·         Biblical support for finding comfort and hope in your darkest hours

Recognition of the hard questions you may have, such as these: 

·                     Why me? 

·                     Was this my fault? 

·                     Is someone to blame? 

Furthermore,

·                     Is this some sort of punishment for things I did or did not do? 

·                     Is there a purpose for my child’s death? 

·                     Can I trust God? 

If you or a loved one is grappling with the devastating loss of a child, this book will provide hope and encouragement to press on, knowing that God will sustain you through this painful experience.

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Comments

  1. Linda Palmer says

    November 30, 2019 at 9:35 pm

    I can relate to the things people say to someone who is grieving the loss of a child. No one wants to hear that probably there was something wrong with the baby and that’s the reason for the miscarriage.

    Reply
  2. Melissa Wenger says

    November 30, 2019 at 6:48 pm

    Thankfully I’ve never faced this type of loss. It’s such a tough topic to “digest”.

    Reply
  3. Heather C. says

    November 30, 2019 at 6:10 am

    Thanks for your honest review, and I agree with you. The last thing anyone wants to hear or be told is how to feel especially after something as tragic as child loss. =(

    Reply
  4. James Robert says

    November 30, 2019 at 12:55 am

    Thank you so much for taking time to bring to our attention another great read. I enjoy these tours and finding out about many terrific books.

    Reply
  5. Amelia says

    November 29, 2019 at 7:10 pm

    Thank you for sharing.

    Reply
  6. Debbie P says

    November 29, 2019 at 3:44 pm

    This sounds like a great book about a tough subject.

    Reply
  7. Emma says

    November 29, 2019 at 12:09 pm

    I didn’t sign up for this tour because I knew I couldn’t handle reading it. We learned a lot about grieving through our loss. For us, it helped to talk about it over and over and over. Having people come to help was so good, too. We had wonderful friends who dropped everything and came to spend a day and just do what needed done and help us figure out what to do when we couldn’t think.

    Reply

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The Because Fiction Podcast

The Because Fiction Podcast
The Because Fiction Podcast

Taking the pulse of Christian fiction

Episode 265: A Chat with Karen Witemeyer
byChautona Havig

Nothing says fairy tale like a sweet western romance by an author like Karen Witemeyer… unless it’s a fairytale retelling set in Texas in the late 19th century, right?  Fairest of Heart takes the familiar “Snow White” and turns it on its head with retired cowboys, a self-absorbed actress, a Texas Ranger, and a sweet girl who knows the true Source of her beauty.  Listen in to see all the genius Easter eggs Witemeyer planted in this book.

Note: links may be affiliate links that provide me with a small commission at no extra expense to you.

Sometimes All a Girl Needs Is a True Change of Heart

I fell in love with the cover of Karen Witemeyer’s Head Over Heels a few years back (only to learn it’s much older than that, even), and meant to read that book.  I didn’t.  #BecauseIdiot. Well, that’ll be rectified just as soon as I’m done listening to her first book in a trilogy of fairytale retellings. I loaded it up on my Audible app tonight and wheeeeeeee. Here I go! So much for no new books until October. HA! 

Karen talks about her heart for young women today and how they’re taught by every bit of media blasting at them that they need to use their bodies to get what they need or want when the Lord has a better plan. And I can’t guarantee it, but I strongly suspect she does it without preaching. SQUEE!

Fairest of Heart by Karen Witemeyer

Once upon a time in Texas . . .

Beauty has been nothing but a curse to Penelope Snow. When she becomes a personal maid for a famous actress whose troupe is leaving Chicago to tour the West, she hides her figure beneath shapeless dresses and keeps her head down. But she still manages to attract the wrong attention, leaving her prospects in tatters–and her jealous mistress plotting her demise.

After his brother lost his life over a woman, Texas Ranger Titus Kingsley has learned to expect the worst from women and is rarely disappointed. So when a young lady found in suspicious circumstances takes up residence with the seven old drovers living at his grandfather’s ranch, Titus is determined to keep a close eye on her.

With a promotion hanging in the balance, Titus is assigned to investigate a robbery case tied to Penelope’s acting troupe, and all evidence points to Penelope’s guilt. But Titus might just be convinced that the fairest woman of all has a heart as pure as her last name . . . if only he can prove it.

You can learn more about Karen Witemeyer and her books on her WEBSITE. Don’t forget the book is 30% off on BakerBookHouse.com.  

Follow Karen on BookBub and GoodReads.

And don’t forget her Posse Group on Facebook.

Like to listen on the go? You can find Because Fiction Podcast at:

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Episode 265: A Chat with Karen Witemeyer
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