O-blivious

Sometimes I wonder if that’s what I am.  Oblivious.  I don’t consider myself the next great American author.  Come on.  Please.  I am not that arrogant.  But I do wonder sometimes if I am more arrogant than I think I am.  Well, ok I know I am.  Aren’t we all?  You know what I mean.

I don’t think I’m a great writer.  I don’t.  But I don’t think I’m a bad writer either.  Aside from a few non-parallel phrases and the odd error that leaks through even my amazing editor’s fingers, they aren’t painful grammatically speaking.  Well, I know of at least one reader who screams for a red pen every time she grabs a book, but she keeps reading for some reason, so how bad can they really be?  Wait.  Don’t tell me.

But really.  I think I have interesting enough characters.  They don’t SEEM one dimensional to me.  They have quirky habits but aren’t a walking quirky contradiction– are they?

See, herein lies my question regarding oblivion.  Am I?  Am I oblivious to my utter lack of writing ability?  I’m not asking because I am looking for fan strokes.  I’m not begging for compliments or throwing out false modesty in an attempt to get some kind of warm-fuzzy feedback.  I’m just pondering and questioning.

Writers all have room for growth.  I know that my plots need tightening.  I tend to give more scenes than are necessary to move the plot forward.  In my mind, they all make sense.  I have a reason for them.  However, my editor knows better than I do what is essential to keeping the book on the right track.  Until now, she’s concerned herself with continuity, proofreading, plot holes, and suchlike.  Now we’re going to step it up a notch.  Poor gal.  I think she needs a raise.  Forget that, I know she does.

But, it does bring me back to the same question.  Am I oblivious?  Am I wasting the paper the books are printed on?  Am I adding to the growing glut of sub-par fiction being churned out by people all over the globe now that the publishing process can bypass the rejection notice stage?

Look, I know a lot of great books were passed up by short-sighted editors and agents.  Conversely, there is a LOT of garbage out there printed under the logos of mega publishing houses.  I just wonder if that independent spirit that makes me love Indie Publishing has also blinded me to a reality I don’t really want to acknowledge.  I really am that mediocre.

I guess it doesn’t matter.  I’m going to keep writing, and as I write, I should get better.  Most people improve with practice.  It’s just a natural byproduct of practice.  And, if I’m going to keep writing, if people are there to purchase, I’ll keep publishing.  But I do wonder… am I oblivious?  And the next question follows: do I really want to know if I am?

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