Sometimes I wonder if that’s what I am. Oblivious. I don’t consider myself the next great American author. Come on. Please. I am not that arrogant. But I do wonder sometimes if I am more arrogant than I think I am. Well, ok I know I am. Aren’t we all? You know what I mean.
I don’t think I’m a great writer. I don’t. But I don’t think I’m a bad writer either. Aside from a few non-parallel phrases and the odd error that leaks through even my amazing editor’s fingers, they aren’t painful grammatically speaking. Well, I know of at least one reader who screams for a red pen every time she grabs a book, but she keeps reading for some reason, so how bad can they really be? Wait. Don’t tell me.
But really. I think I have interesting enough characters. They don’t SEEM one dimensional to me. They have quirky habits but aren’t a walking quirky contradiction– are they?
See, herein lies my question regarding oblivion. Am I? Am I oblivious to my utter lack of writing ability? I’m not asking because I am looking for fan strokes. I’m not begging for compliments or throwing out false modesty in an attempt to get some kind of warm-fuzzy feedback. I’m just pondering and questioning.
Writers all have room for growth. I know that my plots need tightening. I tend to give more scenes than are necessary to move the plot forward. In my mind, they all make sense. I have a reason for them. However, my editor knows better than I do what is essential to keeping the book on the right track. Until now, she’s concerned herself with continuity, proofreading, plot holes, and suchlike. Now we’re going to step it up a notch. Poor gal. I think she needs a raise. Forget that, I know she does.
But, it does bring me back to the same question. Am I oblivious? Am I wasting the paper the books are printed on? Am I adding to the growing glut of sub-par fiction being churned out by people all over the globe now that the publishing process can bypass the rejection notice stage?
Look, I know a lot of great books were passed up by short-sighted editors and agents. Conversely, there is a LOT of garbage out there printed under the logos of mega publishing houses. I just wonder if that independent spirit that makes me love Indie Publishing has also blinded me to a reality I don’t really want to acknowledge. I really am that mediocre.
I guess it doesn’t matter. I’m going to keep writing, and as I write, I should get better. Most people improve with practice. It’s just a natural byproduct of practice. And, if I’m going to keep writing, if people are there to purchase, I’ll keep publishing. But I do wonder… am I oblivious? And the next question follows: do I really want to know if I am?
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