5 Reasons You Should NOT Read My Books

“For one who reads, there is no limit to the number of lives that may be lived, for fiction, biography, and history offer an inexhaustible number of lives in many parts of the world, in all periods of time.”                                   ~Louis L’Amour

The soap opera claims we have but “one life to live.”  America’s Storyteller, Mr. L’Amour, tells us how to live more than one.  But who would want to live more than once?

Who would want to travel to fictional places and meet people who never existed?

Why would anyone want to watch dragons from a field, capture a unicorn, or rescue a friend from fiends?  What crazy person would want to travel to Regency England and attend Almack’s or fall in love with a butler–I mean “prince”? 

And really, who wants to watch a modern young woman discover life outside her own farm?  Meeting people for the first time?  Really? Attending her first church service?  To answer some of the mysteries of her own life?

Who wants to live vicariously through an author so comfortable in her own skin that she wears anything, from any era, and with panache? 

Craziness, I tell ya.  One life is enough, isn’t it?  All those lives in books just wear us out.  Jerk us from reality.  Kill our connection with the here and now.  Run while you can!  And if you can’t run, maybe these five reasons to avoid my books at all costs will help you.

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5 Reasons You Should NOT Read My Books

Reason #1

Reading fiction gives you the opportunity to hate villains.  Jesus says hate is worse than murder, so we are not allowed to hate our fellow man. With fiction, you can hate, loathe, despise, and abominate anyone you choose.  They’re not real.

Why is this a reason not to read my books?  Because you may just get into a terrible habit of hating, loathing, despising, and abominating–assuming I write good villains.  So, if you trust yourself not to cross over from fiction to reality, then this might not be a reason for you.  Otherwise, remember.  I warned you.

Reason #2

The three Ds.  Dinner. Dishes.  Diapers.  Reading a good book (allow me the illusion that mine are good, please!!!) makes it very difficult to pay proper attention to these.  While the diaper wearers have built-in change alarms (otherwise known as deafening screams or–in worst case scenarios, diaper rashes), dishes, and dinner do not.

It is nearly impossible to hear the rumble of a hungry hubby’s belly over the internal sounds of a high-speed chase along an interstate in an attempt to evade the bad guys.  And it is even more difficult to hear the call of spaghetti crusted dishes when the hero gets accused of a heinous crime.

Reason #3

Reading is “detrimental and deleterious” to your health. Why? Because you tend to stay awake and read “one more chapter” instead of getting the health-giving sleep your body truly needs.  (Name that movie quote.)

Well, reading a good book that you can’t put down is, and I work really hard to try to create books that fill that bill.  So, instead of actually sleeping, you read about the sleep deprivation of a “new mom” who feeds her little charge coffee instead of formula.  *Hint… it’s based on a true story. OOPS!

I’m telling you, my books set a terrible example in the health department.  You don’t get enough sleep, and you feed caffeinated beverages to infants!  I’m a terrible example.  Run while it’s safe!

Reason #4

You need to protect your finances! Look, I’m a prolific author.  Despite giving FREE installments to my serial novels almost every week, occasional free novels or nearly free at .99, and even big prizes aside, I write a lot of books and books cost money.

Follow that with the whole, “Keep up with the latest Kindle syndrome” things can get OUCHY. For the sake of your budget (and possibly your marriage–does that make this six reasons?  I don’t know), don’t read my books.

Even if you like them.  You might want to know what happens next to the Carrillos in Napa.  The next thing you know, you’re trying to explain to hubby why there should be a line item in your budget for Chautona Havig books.

Don’t DO IT!

(Can I uncross my fingers now?  I really would like to be able to continue paying the bills… *whistles*)

Reason #5

Because I’m a hypocrite. Psalm 26:4 says

I do not sit with men of falsehood, nor do I consort with hypocrites.  (ESV)

Yep. I’m a hypocrite.  In fact, I write about characters who do things I don’t agree with–like kidnapping people for “their own good.”  Not only that, I write about characters who hold convictions I don’t, like women and girls only wearing skirts and dresses or exceptionally strict rules about divorce and remarriage.  Their theology occasionally clashes with mine or I write about God performing miracles that have no basis in Scripture. 

And as a mom who never invited Santa to be a part of her family’s Christmas celebration, I wrote a 100% secular Santa book for children.  Don’t read my books.  You may figure out all my flaws and tell me about them.  I’ve been running and hiding from them for years.  Please, don’t kill my delusions!

But if you’re brave, bold, a go-against-the-flow kind of gal (or guy!!!!)…

Then go for it.  Read them.  Enter a brave new world.  Live a thousand or more lives.  Escape into fantasy for a little while.  And maybe, just maybe, I’ll achieve my purpose.

I’ll encourage you in your walk with Jesus. I’ll use story to urge you to the feet of the Master Storyteller.  And that’s what it’s all about for me.

*originally published on October 15, 2014.  Edited and updated December 2017